Possible Breakdown

Near miss on Tuesday; almost knocked down a motorcyclist when he was coming out of a junction. This happened when I was on my way home, just a few more meters away from my house. I stand firm that this incident is in no way my fault. I had the right of way. It was clearly my road. I was going straight. He was coming out of a junction. He didn't seem to be watching where he was going, seemed to be staring up the hill on his left. He didn't even pause at the junction!

Fortunately for him, I saw him nearing the junction. I was going 30km/per. I managed to break in time. I saw him put up his hand in apology. Had he not done this, I might have wound down my window and screamed and yelled at him like a fisherman's wife (no offence to all the fisherman's spouses, tis just a common phrase I've seen used).

Labour Day today is depressing.

Met up with Shawn for lunch. Haven't seen him for quite awhile now. Last time I talked to him, he was working in Singapore. He's back for good now. New job. Now here's the depressing part, at least for me. They are going to pay him RM5500 a month! That's almost double my salary. I've worked almost the same amount of years and I'm earning chicken feed. Is the pay for a Software Developer and a consultant so vastly different?

Plus, I just realised that I'm close to having a breakdown with regards to my work. I don't know what I'm doing, I have to develop a product, I have to lead a project as well as design and code the bloody thing and I find that I don't have time to do all this at the same time and keep up my schedule of dancing and singing.

I'm not, however, prepared to give up those leisure activities cause if I do, I think I'd go mad. I know me and if I don't do those, I'd just be sitting in front of the telly and not doing any work anyway.

I need to focus more on work I think. Put more importance on what I have to do and not just doing it for the pay. Need more passion for work.

Therein lies the problem. I just can't seem to feel passionate for it.

P&P said that I should take time to think about what I want to do. Do you want to continue in the computing line? Do you have something else you'd rather be doing? Do you have any idea what I want to do? Should you pursue your interested in dance & song?

I don't know. Nothing that I know of at this moment. No. No cause I know that I'm not extremely talented in those and those things just can't support my lifestyle.

What do I want? If I quit the computing line, I can't think of anything else that I am capable of doing.

First step - Tomorrow (or in a few hours time), I plan to lock myself in the meeting room and think up the design for the project. I hope that this will at least map out what there is to do for the project so that I can distribute parts of the development to the others. Maybe after that, I won't feel like it's such a big thing.

Then, I can see if I can make time to extend the email module that TL's been pestering me about. If I feel that I can't, I will just have to tell him that I can't at the moment but if he needs it, he can always look into Java Mail and do it himself. I wrote the bloody module a year ago so I'd probably have to relook the Java Mail APIs again anyway.

Hope this works. My plans never seem to work. Most probably cause I tend to postpone anything serious and unpleasant eg. actual work.

Right. This is for when I get home. http://www.tonos.com/app2/articles/business_of_music/jsp/foster_in_studio.jsp. Firewall at work doesn't allow most RealMedia streaming.

I would like to write a review on 'A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum' that I watched yesterday afternoon but my friend accidentally took my programme. So, with no names to rave or critic on and no song list to guide me, I can't. I'll probably be able to get it back tonight and will write the piece when I do. In the meantime, do go watch the show. It's hilarious and highly entertaining. Plus, Chef Wan wasn't that bad in it.

Not bad but not good either.

P.S: This was the musical I auditioned for.

Just submitted my monthly article to Delusion of Adequacy. The Editor sent a mail reminding me of the dateline a few days ago. I didn't know what to write about so I think I submitted quite a useless piece. Click on Dateline--Malaysia at http://www.adequacy.net/columns.shtml. I don't think I'm cut out for this article writing thing. Just don't know what to write about. Feeling the pressure and this is only my second piece. :={

Affaire Française

The coronation was a non-event ... at least for me. Did they indeed install a new King that day? I guess they did from the front page picture on most of the newspapers around. But for me, it was just another day off. Didn't glue myself to the television watching this event happen live from Bukit Jalil. Had instead a nice family outing.

Started the day with a nice brunch at a chicken rice shop at Jalan Gasing. Yummy rice, very small amount of chicken and quite expensive as well (it's kampung chicken that's why). That was nice, would have been even better if my parents were able to answer my questions directly (about why the shop's location is) instead of trying to tell me where to go.

You see, I have been to the shop before it's just that I forget how far into Jalan Gasing the shop's located. Therefore, I need to know where to turn in from the road parallel (the one which passes Amcorp Mall) to Jalan Gasing (I can't go straight into Jalan Gasing from Federal Highway!). Why can't they just tell me if it's at the beginning or the middle or at the end of that road? They always want to tell me what to do. Shit! Just answer the question!

Oh yes, that and my grandma keep asking if her precious grandson know's that we are here and if he'll be joining us. We just saw him get all dressed up for work and walk out the door prior to departure. Gosh! Focus! Now, that's bad of me. She is quite old. I should just indulge her and tell her he has to work and being the goody too shoe that I am, told her that her precious has gone to work, albeit sarcasm was dripping like liquid honey.

Next went home and just sat for awhile before heading out to Bangsar with Stef. She wanted to get her belly pierced. It cost a heck of a lot! RM100 just for the piercing and another RM80 for a normal stud with no gem or RM90 for a stud with one gem and RM120(?) for a stud with two gems. She only brought RM150 so she didn't have enough cash then. Besides, it was expensive and I advised her to go check out the pricing in other places. So, we went down and into a clothing store just next door. Her still torturing herself thinking whether or not to just get it done cause she's been wanting to do it forever and me being absolutely non-supportive. My reason being she hasn't checked out other places. They might be cheaper! Me the el cheapo. Hah!

Anyway, she finally decided to have it done anyway and I spotted her the extra dough she needed. Her belly is well and truly maimed now. Looks alright. The stud's kinda plain though. Saw some cool looking ones at the shop which made me think if I should get my belly maimed as well then I get to use one of those fancy belly studs for my latin competitions. Would look très cool doncha think?

Then it's off to Midvalley we go. It's off to MidValley we go. Hey ho the derry oh, it's off to MidValley we go.

Got my movie tickets - Meilleur Espoir Feminin and The Count of Monte Cristo. The French flick was good. Saw a similarity between the daughter-father relationship with that of my sis and papa. Stef and I joked that we should get them to watch the movie and see if they see it as well. Better yet, make them come watch it together! That should be interesting.

Count of Monte Cristo was lavish. Good as well for someone who has not read the Alexandre Dumas classic. I had heard from someone that the movie wasn't so good but that person has read the book. Maybe the book was better? Sort of how I feel about Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone I guess. Lots of scenes chopped off from the book.

So, Thursday was good. Yesterday was boring. Work and then dance practise. *Yawn*

Argh! Christ! I knew I shouldn't have made that coffee or at least shouldn't have drunk(? - excuse me if that's the wrong tense, my tenses are quite weak but I am not going to invest anytime to improve that) it. Now my stomach's churning. Will have to get home and to the loo quick before it explodes!

Tomorrow's a holiday. Yay! Coronation for the new Agong (King).

This will give me a chance to go watch 'Meilleur Espoir Feminin'. Have been wanting to watch it since it first started showing but never had the chance. More so now that it's showing only once a day in the afternoon when I am at work. Pm's seen it and she wants to watch it again so it should be good, no? As for tonight, ballroom class and after that latin practise (SM called during lunch asking if I could practise after class). Then if I feel like it, maybe, Spiral with Az.

Eyes red and dry, I finally finished porting the app. Minor modifications made and repairation to stuff that I missed out earlier. Time to say goodbye to this project and continue with the next.

Urgh! I dread starting that other project. Don't know where to begin. To just code? Or to design first? Obvious and ideal answer would be to design right but that's such a drag. But I will have to since I have to break it apart so that I can assign it to others in the team to help me with it. Ah well, this my first project (well, first big one anyway) that I'll be heading. I just hope I don't screw it up too much.

Righto ... lets talk about what I did the past couple of days.

Club nite on Saturday was a success (my opinion anyway, others might have thought it a complete bore). Almost everyone who confirmed their attendance actually attended. The food was really good (I well and truly stuffed myself). However, my singing that night was atrocious. Atrocious doesn't even come close to describing it. I was too soft when duetting (unpractised) with Cris on 'I Know Him So Well' and started too low when I did 'On My Own'.

So embarrassing!

But it was lots of fun. Better towards the end when a few of us gathered around the piano and belted our hearts out. Then Suzan and I did 'I Still Believe'. I actually sounded quite ok. I should practise this song more often. It seems to be within my range, whatever my range is.

It was about 12am Sunday morning when I got to Avanti for Soon's little birthday gathering. Danced some but not a lot cause they closed at 1am. During one song, 2 of the waiters went on the dance floor and started dancing - they weren't any good, whoever gave them the idea that they were must have been intoxicated. One of the waiters, not the two on the dance floor, told me to join them cause, his words, ' ...[I] dance well'. Ermm ... gee thanks. Compared to those two, I probably do. Haha ... good stuff for my ego. Should visit this establishment more often. :)

The next morning, had to wake up early for dance practise at 9.30am. Bleargh! Didn't practise too hard that day cause SM was trying to figure out some steps. After that, SM and I had our lesson. First one ever after my competition debut; which was slightly more than a month ago. Wow! That's really long. We did the basic, which I have never learned, technically correct version of cha-cha and spins. I still can't seem to get the shoulder thing right. So frustrating. It feels odd. Not natural. Like I'm just doing it cause Mr. L tells me to. Need to practise more I suppose.

*Sigh* Next competition's in July. Hope I get enough practise before that.

Well, I tried to installing the app but ran into some problems.

Firstly, it seems that the PHP on windows is more sensitive to unset variables ie. just referring to $aVar without assigning it first will print out an ugly error message in your view page. Yucks! Or maybe that has to do with Apache on windows. I don't know. Either one, I will now have to go through my codes and do an isset() on places that might involve unset variables.

Secondly, my colleague who set up Apache and PHP on that machine forgot to install the mhash function. So I can't get pass the login page cause all following pages requires that. Ah well, left him a message on his mobile. Hopefully he hasn't gone back to Malacca this weekend and would be able to come in tomorrow or something to install it. I'd do it myself except I have never installed PHP before and installing that function might require some sort of compilation. I don't want to screw up whatever that's already working.

Now I must go home and collect the stuff needed for tonight's club nite and head over to Ivy's and await the caterers.

Woo hoo! Tis done. All files transferred.

On another note ... Craps! Have to come back to the office tomorrow to install my, just finished, application in the client's machine. Must have that ready by Monday. The boss wants it.

After this, it's back to Java and CRM.

Now that my home computer have speakers, I think it's about time I take all the mp3 files that I have managed to download over the office's speedy lines. There are almost 200 files there; more or less. I wanted to do this earlier on but I thought that since I don't have speakers to listen to them, what would be the point? Plus my dad didn't have his laptop then so, how was I to transfer all those files home? I don't have a zip drive nor do I have a burner at the office.

Wow! The transfer's pretty fast over the network. I hooked up the laptop to one of the network ports around. Lots of them around now since everyone's gone home.

Might take me ages to transfer it to my PC when I get home using a parallel port. No network card at home. Again. No point in having one.

Hmmm ... not done yet.

Hey! I think they've switched off the air-conditioning! Getting warmer in here.

Of friends and sushi

Yesterday while having lunch with Jen, I noticed that we don't really seem to talk to each other. We got to Genkhi Sushi and sat around the sushi belt. Ordered our green tea and then just sat and checked out the offerrings on the belt. Picked some plates and started eating.

I felt a bit weird so I tried to make conversations; I haven't seen her for a few weeks, close to a month.

"So, anything new?" I asked.

"Nah! Not really. How bout you?" came the reply.

"Nothing here either."

Then silence and more eating.

Is it normal for people who've been friends to have nothing to say to each other? Nothing to talk about? Nothing that they'd like to share when they meet? Y'know, to catch up on the week(s)/month(s). Do friends tend to have the same conversations over and over again? Questions like "Anything new?", "When will you be quitting?", "I thought you wanted to quit?", "Have you seen [movie name]?"

I don't know. It just felt weird.

My friends and I usually go out and do something - movies, pool, bowling, eat (all time favourite) - and even if we don't go out and just hang out in P's place, we'd watch a movie. All activities not requiring minimal communication skills. When we do find ourselves in situations where we actually have to speak to each other, the topic usually centers around work (boring) or if I'm talking to P, what shows/musicals would we like to go for next.

Hmmm ... I'll have to pay more attention to whether this is true for every occassion our clique meet up.

Maybe it was just yesterday. A one time thing.

Maybe it was the sushi ...

Bad me. Scolded papa earlier cause he said he couldn't get the USB to Serial converter driver installed. Turns out it wasn't his fault. The driver for Windows XP wasn't included in the CD and the one for the other Windows version doesn't work. Luckily their site is well updated. Managed to download and install the latest version; no problem.

Sooooo, sorry pa.

On a totally different note, went for my first ballroom class at 9pm earlier. It was alright. Still manage to catch up even though they were in their fourth class. I seem to be having the same problem most latin dancers suffer as well, the heel-toe instead of toe-heel thing. Keep lifting my feet off the ground as well. Was told by Soong that I'm not suppose to do that; she taught me the basics so that I could catch up with the rest of the class. Pretty fun but have to wait in turn for guys to be available to practise the steps. As usual, the class is desperately lacking in guys. Well, not so much but it's a ratio of about 3:1. So, the guys should get pretty great in no time huh, since they're getting so much practise. :)

Right. Nitey nite.

Note to self: Remember to make calls to the Immigration Department (passport renewal) and Banana Cafe (increase number of heads for Club Nite) tomorrow!

The personality test

BUSINESSMAN
(Dominant Extrovert Concrete Thinker )

Like just 3% of the population you are a BUSINESSMAN (DECT). Hide the children and protect the bunnies, basically. In ancient times you would be a deadly barbarian. These days, you're perfect for Wall Street. You prefer concrete thinking to a more creative style, and your direct modes of thought and action help you succeed in whatever you may try to accomplish.

Your forceful and outgoing personality can make you seem like a hothead, but because your mind ultimately rules your heart you rarely let your emotions get in the way of your goals. By the way, think of Genghis Kahn buying seven million pork bellies on the trading market, and then eating half of them, and you have yourself. Good luck.

Congratulations, you're Elizabeth Bathory!

Hailing from sunny Transylvania, your first blood-related incident was when you stabbed a servant girl in the face with a pair of scissors for underperforming. Some of the red spray landed on your hands, and as you washed it off, you noticed that it left your skin fresh and young looking. From then on you were convinced that the blood of young girls was the secret to eternal youth.

Rather than killing girls outright by stabbing them or slitting their throats, you enjoy torturing them for weeks on end by pricking them with needles or prodding with sharp spikes - all to bathe in their blood. You've killed over six hundred women, all without raising a peep from the authorities.

If you wish, you can proudly tell the world that you bathe in virgin juice with the following fine graphic:


Which Evil Criminal are You?

La ... soon as one problem's solved, another one pops up. My computer is now audible. I've taken the ATP3 out of it's box and connected the components together. Sounds terrific.

Once done, I was gonna dial-up to post this happy event. Only to find that the power LED of my modem is off. Oh no!

I unplugged the USB and plugged it into the other USB port. Still no lights. Next got pappa's laptop to check if it works with it. No luck.

The modem's probably fried. I wonder if there's a warranty card lying somewhere for this modem. If I can find it, maybe I can send it back to the manufacturer to have them check it out. Maybe they'll replace it? I have heard however that most manufacturers don't replace modems spoiled by lightning strike.

But first ... have to find that warranty card. Now where did I place that modem's box?

Peer to Peer Review

I got reviewed by Mizerable/Zuleikha. It's all part of the peer-to-peer review project by two guys, Rasmus and Beau.

She says I don't blog regularly. :D I know. I know. Just can't seem to get myself to write in it day in and day out as I did when I first started out. I guess lure of a new toy's gone now. I will try and get myself to blog more often. There have been several things that happened the past two weeks that I should have written down so that I remember that those event actually happened. Lets see if I have the strength after choir tonight.

Confession time. I didn't do my review. I received the email for my assigned review blog but it just came at a period when was swamped. Am still kinda busy right now but not as much. So, I didn't do the review and the deadline's came and gone. Should I still do it?

I'll just place a plug to my assigned blog. Maybe I'll review it later ... if I can get myself to do it.

Indulgence

Made my first non-essential peripheral purchase yesterday at PC Fair. I bought myself an Altec Lansing ATP3. Have been telling myself that I need to get speakers forever and I finally did.

The drive to the fair was almost dangerous. Started out with cloudy skies, then a little drizzle, then full blown storm where I can't even see the car in front of me had they not turned on their lights. The storm lasted about 20 minutes, I think. Halfway though it, I was wondering if I should go on to the city or just make a detour to MidValley Mega Mall where my friends said they were gonna be bowling. But, I presevered through the storm and made it to the fair in one piece.

I wasn't sure what to get when I made myself go to the fair. Should I just get an el cheapo set with just two satelites with no subwoofer or pay more to get something that sounds at least halfway decent?

Walked about the fair (which was quite small, I wonder if there's another section that I've missed!). Getting bumped and pushed by the crowd, I looked around to check out the options. How is anyone suppose to look at things in this crowd is quite beyond me but I tried my best to get to the stalls that carried speakers/sound systems. Quite easy to spot those. Just follow the sound of the blarring music. Did this for about an hour before returning to the first stall that I visited.

They had speakers by Altec Lansing and microlab. Playing around with both brand of speakers, I finally decided on the Altec Lansing ATP3. The microlab ones were cheaper and I was really thinking of getting those. However, the sound of from those sound a little frayed and more so as I turn the treble knob higher and higher. Since I listen to stuff that has more treble than the booming bass, I thought I should take this into consideration. So, I decided on the ATP3 as it sounded more solid.

The packaging for the speakers was huge. I didn't expect it to be so big. Had to drag that all by my little ol self to my car across the street. Heavy but not overly so, I managed.

So, yay. I have speakers for my PC. Now I wonder when I'll get my procrastinating butt to open the packaging and put it together.

Cor blimey, I taste like Tea. I am a subtle flavour, quiet and polite, gentle, almost ambient. My presence in crowds will often go unnoticed. Best not to spill me on your clothes though, I can leave a nasty stain. What Flavour Are You?

My other flavour is lemon. Which I think sounds more like me.

Mmm, I am Lemon Flavoured. I am bitter and twisted. Expect from me acerbic humour and sharp commentary. While I may seem nasty at first, I'm actually quite good company if I like you, so long as you don't mind a bit of cutting to the chase. What Flavour Are You?

take free enneagram test

My complete test scores.

type	score	summary
1	22	Ones are idealistic and strive for perfection. Morals and ethics drive them. They live with an overbearing internal critic that never rests. They are always comparing themselves to others and are overly concerned with external criticism. They can be very judgmental and others perceive them as too uptight.
7	20	Sevens are optimistic thrill seekers that see life as an adventure. They are always thinking of new possibilities and adventures. This constant zest for life can become escapism. Once things lose there fun they are no longer interested, so many projects go unfinished. Essentially, they avoid the difficulties of life because they fear being overwhelmed by them.
5	19	Fives are basically on some level estranged from the rest of the world, consequently, their mind is usually their best friend. They like to analyze things and make sense of them (that is their anchor), this makes for great inventors, philosophers, and visionaries. The immense inner world of fives can cause them to lose touch or interest in reality.
4	15	Fours are all about being unique and creating their own distinct culture. They experience the highs and lows of life more intensely than other types. This makes them great creative forces (artists, writers, filmmakers). Fours often feel like misplaced children, and they long for a sense of real family.
3	14	Threes derive self worth from success in the external world. They are highly skilled at adapting themselves in whatever way necessary to achieve success. This external success driven image often comes at a price of having a personal identity and they often are uncertain of who they really are.
8	14	Eights are natural leaders. They are straight forward, direct, large personalities, that are unlikely to back down to adversity. They have a talent for motivating others. They have a strong sense of justice and are often protectors of the weak. However, they also have short fuses and can become domineering tyrants.
9	12	Nines are calm, laid-back, and optimistic. They are able to see everyone's point of view, and have a natural desire for making peace. Consequently, they are effective mediators. Fearful of conflict and separation from others, they can be too accommodating and unassertive.
2	7	Twos are defined by their empathy of other people. They are uniquely gifted at tuning in on the feelings of others. This makes them great networkers, but being too caught up with other people can cause them to lose track of their own personal well being. Two charity is really a projection of how they want others to care for them.
6	5	Sixes are overly alert and anxious. They are skeptical of the statis quo but are also fearful of being on their own. They satisfy their need for security and belonging by establishing strong friendships and/or loyally backing a cause.

Keep getting a NullPointerException! What the heck is wrong?

Update [5:39pm]: Couldn't even get this crummy text only post up!
Update [10:18pm, April 13]: Now it works! But I didn't do anything. What happened blogger?

I find it frightening sometimes seeing how much some of my friends/school mates have changed since we were last in school. Not physically of course, but the way the were then and they way they are now seems to be completely 'transmogified' (hmmm ... am I spelling that correctly? Calvin & Hobbes fans?).

Two most obvious ones were one prefects in our school, even though they weren't exactly boring nerds at school, they were just not the wild child that they have turned out to be; heavy drinking, chain smoking, promiscuous little bitches (or at least that's their boast)! Seems like their sojourn to UK/America really changed them and I'm not entirely sure if I envy them their free careless ways. However, they're my friends (thank god!) wouldn't want to be this other girls, also an ex-schoolmate, that they're forever bitching about. I actually thought that girl was actually a pretty close friend of theirs! Man! Was I wrong.

Another thing I notice during last Saturday's BBQ was that these people are not my crowd when I was in school. Of sure, we nod and say hi and have short little conversations but we were not close; not even what I'd call friends, just school mates. It's weird that I hang out more with these people now than with my close friends from school. I haven't seen my 'close friends' for some years! minus the chance meetings in a restaurant/mall/market. Must call these people up one day.

Also noted was, I was almost the only Chinese among all the Malays. Maybe it's a race thing. These friends that I hang out with (tee hee ... 'hang out' that sounds so teenagery) are all Malays. I used to hang out with a crowd with a large Chinese majority. I'm Chinese and I'm bad with calling up friends and meeting up with people. Others would usually take the initiative to call me up for a meet but I would usually meet up unless I had a prior engagement. So, maybe my friends are like me. They say, 'birds of a feather flocks together'. Except we can't really flock together if we don't meet up now can we?

Hmmm ... a totally haphazard rambling. I'll have to read this entry later to see if it makes any sense. My minds travelling in a million and one direction and I'm not sure what was written down and what's in my head.

Talking to Stef last night just reminded me of what an absolute geek/nerd I am. She was feeling a little guilty after lying to mum about a stomach ache so that she could ditch school. Thinking that she has food poisoning (due to some things that she lied about), mum was super nice to her.

Me ... I have never done anything like that to skip school. The only time I did was after I got to school, only a handful of us actually came for class and the teachers didn't even bother to come in anymore. This was the period approaching the final exam of secondary school, SPM. My friend and I got sick staring at the four walls of the room and left school after a few hours and went to her place.

That was the only true ditching that I did. Pretty pathetic huh?

Other attempts were school related. Inter-school cross-country at some rural school, inter-school squash competition that we managed to pester a teacher to enter us in (mainly cause most of the state players were in my school, yours truly included), choir competition and other stuff that I can't recall right now.

I wonder why a shining example like me has had absolutely no impact on the behaviours of my two younger sibs? A bit of a bore of course following rules and doing what you're suppose to when you're suppose to ... but, if you're suppose to do it. Why wouldn't I? I didn't have a life.

a depressed server. please go and console it.

thanks rednax for the adorable link.

Made my debut in the world of latin american dance competition last Friday. A pretty successful debut I must say. Didn't win but I did manage to scrape my way into the semi-finals.

I was pretty calm when the time came for us (my partner and I) to go on the dance floor. I didn't think I'd be, calm that is, cause from my experience, whenever I have something important coming up, piano exams, ballet exams, exams in general, whenever it's time for me to perform and be judged, I'd get the jitters when I'm suppose to perform. Not even during preparation would I be nervous but only at that exact moment when I'm seated on the chair or standing next to the bar, I'd suddenly blank out, cold sweat starts forming, fingers cold as ice, my mind going a million directions trying to search my brains for what I was suppose to be doing ... but not this time.

It felt like just another practise. When I was on the floor that arvo, I just did whatever I did when I was practising ... trying not to fall off the slippery floor and getting all the steps in.

I think this has a lot to do with the lack of pressure. We knew that we'd not be winning anything although if we did it would be a plus but to me, I had it in my mind that hey! it's my first time. I'm not expected to win, right? So, I guess that explains why I wasn't nervous. I didn't care too much what the result would be. Unlike exams when there's pressure to pass as well as get the venerable distinction.

I had fun and was totally awed by the competitors in the amature category, especially by couple number 12, Darren Bennett and Lilia Kopylova. They caught my eyes during their heats and I barely looked at other couples whenever they were on the floor. I'm just so wowed! If I was fortunate enough to get half as good as them, I'd be a happy puppy.

P.S: Jason, if you're reading this, sorry I wasn't looking out for you cause I didn't know you were gonna be there. I've only just read your posting. Sorry mate. Maybe the next competition alright?

Note to self: The next time you have your form submitted although the javascript function returns a false, check whether you've passed in the correct parameter(s) for that function. Exceptions can't be caught like in java and values other than a false returned would successfully submit the form. Silly empress! Another waste of a few hours wondering what the heck happened.

I've got my license. My real license. Bye bye probation license. Bye bye 'P' sticker. I was really surprised at JPJ's efficiency though. Thought I'd take me more than an hour to get the whole application done but it only took about half an hour; including the wait for my number to pop up on the prompter. The actual processing and making of the license took only 5 minutes. Silly me wasted half a day's leave to get this done. Doh!

new record: After months and months of trying, I finally beat my old Minesweeper record. New record now is 118 seconds for the expert level. Need to shave off 19 more seconds to get into the world record!

VisualStudio Launch

Note to self: Watch "The Screen Savers" Wednesday, March 20, at 7 p.m (US time). Story regarding Stay-At-Home Secretary.

sun, speed and babes

A half an hour drive, a detour to purchase a $50 parking sticker and a bus ride later, I was finally at gate K2. The entrace to what hopefully would turn out to be an exciting, thrilling race.

It was only half past 10 when Stef and I got in but the place was already packed. We immediately made our way down the slope searching for a comfortable spot with a good view of the track. Good view was easy enough to find as the whole area overlooks the 2nd and 3rd corner leading to the 2nd straight stretch.

Comfort, however, was hard to come by. The slope was bumpy but we made do as best as we could.

Batik cloth spread, hats on head and sunglasses firmly on, we proceeded with the next best thing to do while waiting for the race that was scheduled to begin at 3.15pm; get a tan. So off goes my spaghetti top (I had on sports top ... of course!) and on goes the globs of sunscreen. 'Bad Girls Guide to the Open Road' in hand, I proceeded getting comfy and looking cool reading my pink vinyl covered book. Smilling intermittedly at the witty words of Miss Cameron Tuttle. Probably looking like and idiot doing that but hey! Who's watching? Concentration should be on the track right?

Several minutes later, a bunch of loud, non-stop talking quartet of thirtysomethings parked their asses next to our spot. Blocking my view of a totally cool looking guy sitting a few feet away. But that's fine. They were really funny and friendly. Had some laughs. Good fun.

Later, as I was coming up the slope back to my seat, I went closer to the fence, closer to the track to get some pictures of the driver's procession (I'm expecting the pictures to turn out badly. They were too far away and I don't have a zoom camera.), I heard someone say my name and lo! and behold! I saw my ex-schoolmates. They were putting up a shade/tent thing. (Now why didn't I think of that? I forgot even to bring an umbrella!) Said 'hi' and everything and continued back up the slope to my spot.

The atmosphere was really great. People everywhere lazing on the grass. Talking, laughing, drinking eating, sunbathing, whatever. All out having fun. Most of them decked out with their favourite teams colours, painted or worn. Large flags (mostly the reds of the Ferraris and grey Mercedes) flying and flapping. Perfect race day weather.

After a tediously long and boring traditional performance (mostly due to the fact that nobody on my hill can see it) and the lackluster air show performance by the RMAF, the race begins.

The race itself was quite boring actually. Nothing happened at this end of corner. No crashes. No swerving off the track. No smoke coming out of the back tail. Just some passing and over taking at the turns. I was cherring for our local boy Alex Yoong in the Minardi. Not for him to win, I have to be realistic, but just to at least finish the race in front of his Aussie teammate Mark Webber. There's a whole bunch of people cheering for Michael Schumacher and he has been having a nice long winning streak so I don't think he need anymore support! He did have to pit after the first lap though, he lost his front wing when he collided with Montoya's Williams in the first corner.

I guess I will say that the best part of the race was towards the end when Michael Schumacher overtook Jenson Button's Renault. The poor boy must have felt the thrill of his life thinking that he'll have his first podium finish before it was dashed at the last minute by the incredible Schumacher.

You have to give credit where credit is due. Schumacher really is amazing. To come back up all the way to a podium finish from 12th placing halfway into the race with 3 pit-stops must surely be an incredible feat. It's no wonder he's been winning so much!

Wow! A very enjoyable day. I've never been a big fan of F1 racing but I can see now how it appeals to the masses. It is rather thrilling.

Stef and I am thinking of going again next year. The next time, must remember to bring large umbrella, several litters of water, camera with zoom, binoculars with larger zoom to see the large screen display, food, ...

To go or not to go ... that is the question

The Malaysian Grand Prix 2002 will start tomorrow and I have tickets. Well, actually my dad has tickets cause he's on a project for KLIA. He gave the tickets to me though, I did ask for them. He's not interested in going. I wanted to see what it's like, the race ... live.

Except ...

I didn't want to go alone. I was hoping that they'd give him more than one ticket, so that I could at least go with my sis, and that the ticket was for the final race day not the first day practise session.

So, now, I'm not sure if I'm still going. It's a good ticket though, corporate suite. Expensive. But still, alone. I'm not sure yet.

I'm listening to Virgin Radio and they just had an experiment to prove a survey that Neil Francis found which says that only 20% of women knows how to change tyres compared to 97% of men. Well, it was close as the 6th caller managed to get it right. Would have proven the statistics right if it had been the 5th caller but one caller difference is not too bad, me thinks. Now here's the good part. The caller who got it right, she's a computer person. I couldn't really hear what exactly in computers but yeah, she's a computer person. She was spot on. Yay! Computer gals knows how to change tyres. I do as well and I was looking for a chatroom at Virgin Radio's site, before the 6th caller came through, to see if I could type in the answer but there isn't one.

Hmmm ... maybe they should do another study to find out the percentage of computer women who knows how to change tyres.

Found this from EvHead's blog. Isn't this gorgeous? Check out the review at kicksology.


Too bad they don't sell And 1 shoes here. I might just buy this. Have been looking to buy a pair of sneakers for a long time. Haven't found one that I like just yet. It's probably cause I want the shoe to look good as well as function as my general excersize shoes, not that I excersize much these days but I like to have a pair of shoes for the times that I do. Of course, I'd like it to be cheap or at least affordable. Don't want to pay mega bucks just for a pair of shoes.

Speaking of shoes, Irene from Superdances just called to say that my new gold dancing shoes are ready. Hurrah! And it only took them eight days to finish my shoe. Hope it fits. I tried on a size 6 when I was at her place but I really needed a size 6(B/wide), since I have wide forefoot. Took a chance and ordered 6(B) without trying. Have to look for a studio with unwaxed floor to try out my spanking new shoes.

So excited. New shoes. Whee!

woo hoo! I'm Storm!



Which Star-Crossed Marvel Lover Are You?

I got a tie. Talk about multiple personality disorder!

See which Greek Goddess you are.

See which Greek Goddess you are.

Read this article in the papers back in March 5th. I don't read the news in the newspapers only lifestyle, sports section, comics, movie listing and the tv guide. And usually just breeze through those as well but this article caught my eyes.

At a time where everyone is putting in mucho hours, making things happen fast, making money fast, these people come up with "Slow Cities". A spin-off from the slow food movement, the main objective 'slow cities' is to get us to enjoy life. Quality life.

The idea sounds wonderful but I do wonder if someone like me would be able to fit in a city such as that. Someone who's restless. Someone who gets bored easily. Someone who need something to do, to move, to jump and prance ... okay, maybe not jump and prance exactly. Someone who after 8 hours of work seeks other activities/classes to fill up time between after office hours and bedtime.

I mean, what would you do if you went straight home after work?

Dinner and shower? Sure. Fine. But how long do you need for that? One hour max. What next? Plop in front of the telly? Read? Good and fine as well but that's just so boring! Plus, not extremely good for your health. Lack of movement/exercise. A body needs movement.

Even if I could stand having minimal activities, you need beaucoup bucks to enjoy good food, good clothes, good homes, even good/clean air! Only thing that would be free would be good friends. People to enjoy it with.

Would be ideal if I didn't have to worry about money. Then yeah! I'd definitely live in a "slow city".

In fact, I try to have a slow city at least once a year. It's in a city called Penang. It's an Island really but it's a small island. All I do when I'm there is eat, sleep, eat, sleep, watch the telly, read, and laze on the beach or on the pool (if I'm staying at a seaside hotel).

Slow island, anyone?

A glove that allows you to touch things virtually. Not an extremely new idea. TechTV's story yesterday 'Computers Get Touchy-Feely' reminded me of Johnny Mnemonic. That futuristic movie starring Keanu 'cool breeze over the mountain' Reeves which I thought was a total flop ... so did thousands in the world. But, in that movie, I remember a part when Johnny puts on these VR goggles and glove and starts doing things like taking things, openning boxes and typing on a keyboard without those things there physically. I thought that was cool. Hopefully things will go far for "virtual touch" and more people, besides USC's Integrated Media Systems Center will look into haptics technology, the technology behind "virtual touch".

I still look forward to the day when wearable computing will be possible and I think the "virtual touch" would be a great tool for it.

To Where You Are

Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memories so clear
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
Your still an inspiration
Can it be

That you are mine
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above
Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know your there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me
Everyday

Cause you are mine
Forever love
Watching me from up above
And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there

A breath away's not far
To where you are

I know you're there
A breath aways not far
To where you are

i lifted this lyric from ellen's site. the site's all in chinese, i think. all i see is weird symbols but you can see things that are written in english. i followed those and voila! i've got the lyric.

doesn't it just sound sad and beautiful? i remember the first time i heard/saw josh groban sang this song. saw it in a tiny little window in media player sitting in front of my computer at work. managed to find it from one of josh's micro site over at welovesarah.com. it was a snippet from the christmas episode in ally mcbeal; season 5 episode 7 entitled 'Nine One One' to be percise.

i remember sitting there, listening to the song and as the song goes on, my eyes started tear-ing. so sad. i think i've written about this before but i don't care. after so many time of listening to it (i have the cd now and am listening to it even as i write), it sometimes still make me a little teary.

musn't make it too much of a habit. have been turning off my phone alarm and not waking up when i should. only woke up at 8 this morning which left me with 30 minutes to shower, dress and drive to work. an impossible feat and therefore not worth rushing.

and so, i took my own sweet time. had a bowl of cereal, drove my neighbour who was going to school for her library duty and got to work at nine. only half an hour late. not too bad.

should really try going to bed earlier so as to be able to wake up when i'm suppose to. even if it was to get to work and do more testing and debugging on that bleeding trigger module which is slowly driving me insane.

somehow, some of the things i've tested a few weeks back didn't seem to work today. it's completely mystifying. received a 'value conflict occurs' error. supposedly, this error occurs if the method used is not supported by the database driver, in this case the oracle jdbc driver. if anyone has ever encountered this error, please tell me how to fix it. i don't know how. if it is the driver, then why did it work the first time i tested the function weeks ago and not today? i've asked around and everyone says that nobody's done any tweaking or updating to the database nor the driver. so, i'm puzzled as to why this error should occur now.

these are the relevant lines which triggered the error:

resultset.updateString(column, data);
resultset.updateRow();

updateString() didn't cause any error. updateRow() is the culprit here.

calling all java guru, please help empress in her dillemma.

alright, after work, got home and before i even sat down for a little rest. my dad goes on again that i should go get his serial-usb converter for him ASAP. "oh and while you're there, get a new colour catridge as well."

so after dinner, i trod (trodded?) along to pyramid's IT center to get the stuff. got my dad to give me the dough before i came. thought that the RM300 that he gave me would be more than enough for that two item but i was wrong. it wasn't more that enough. it was just enough. the converter costed RM130 (although it said RM150 on the price tag) and the catridge costed RM120 (again the price tag read RM135, if i'm not mistaken). i wondered what the point of placing the price tag there if you're not going to sell it for the price that was printed but ... hey! i'm not complaining. i got the goods at a lower price and low price is always good. why pay more?

when i got home, my dad had another job for me. installing software. i've practically installed his software on both the machines that's in our house and now he wants it on his laptop as well. hopefully once he starts uses the laptop then he'll leave my pc alone. then i can delete all his files and programs and regain disk space. then find out why i can't open a large *.jpg file without my computer saying that i don't have enough disk space. there was over 500MB of space when i tried opening that file. a colleague says that it has something to do with my swap file. ok. fine. "so, what do i have to do to my swap file to make it work?", i asked. "i don't remember." was the reply.

installed the software, made sure internet was setup for my dad and then off to bed.

hey, check this out. my picture's being used as a background of one of my uni's tour page. Ain't it cool? :)

i've got free banner free web hosting at empress.digitalrice.com

... wait! wait! wait! ... before you start clicking on to the new site, i have to tell you that there is absolutely nothing there as yet. i'm thinking of maybe using greymatter or MT for this site. are there any greymatter or MT users reading this? if so, what do you recommend?

besides that, i'm thinking that i should really come up with a theme for a design before publishing that site. i've been saying that i need to design a look for this blog forever but i've never gotten to it. so, before the new site comes, i really want to have a design up. problem is, i don't have much idea on what i want. sugesstions please?

basically this blog is a call for recommendation and suggestions ... so start blogging back! i need feedback.

how cool is this!


Which Angelina Are You?

---

not sure how cool this winona result is as i haven't seen the movie. the description sound okay i suppose. not as cool as the angelina result! ... I AM LARA CROFT! HEAR ME ROAR!!!

Which Winona Are You?

---

YELLOW You are very perceptive and smart. You are clear and to the point and have a great sense of humor. You are always learning and searching for understanding. Find out your color at Stvlive.com!

it's official

come 29th march, i'll be competing in the malaysia millennium 2002 competition.

i have three costumes to choose from. two of them are of the same style; it's a simple dress, one shouldered and short (not that short for me cause i have short legs). one's pink glittered and the other is black with gold glitters. the other costume is a two piece yellow concoction. the top has gold sequins (the top itches) and the skirt is short and tasseled.

of those three, i think i look best in the yellow costume. the other two seems to make me look really big; especially the pink costume plus that shade of pink just doesn't seem to go with my skin colour. my partner loves that costume though. keeps pressing me to wear it for the competition.

haha ... not a chance. not going to listen to his opinion on this matter. his fashion taste is simply ... how should i put this nicely? ... not good. closer to terrible if not horrendous.

it's either the black or the yellow. everyone, except my partner, seems to agree that i should wear the yellow. so, maybe i'll be wearing the yellow.

i've placed a last minute order for a new pair of dancing shoes yesterday. simple design, all gold in a material called 'madonna glitter'. i've also ordered it a half inch higher than my usual practise shoes. i hope that won't affect my dancing too much ... if it does, preferably for the better and not for the worse.

right! so, from now until friday the 29th, must squeeze in as many practises as possible. will be having practise later tonight after choir practise. hope i still have energy after a long day at work and two hours of singing to dance.

nothing much has been going on so no blog ... unless you want the usual boring blogs that i used to write about my everyday life.

anyways, new entry in the auditions page. check it out you wannabe actors.

bad news. mph has switched their wired magazine supplier. no more wired magazine at RM 24.90. they now sell at the same price as all the other newsagents, at RM31.

good news is mph will have the current issues at the same time as the newsagents. i used to have to wait till the end of the month to buy that month's issue.

"Hollywood uses a handful of clichés to denote villainy. The bad guys are Nazis, Asians, Soviets or Arabs. They wear black clothing and they speak with accents.

Now there's a new one: The baddies use Windows PCs."

club review: nuovo, kuala lumpur

situated opposite the still standing and frequently refurbished emporium club, erected in a spot where this writer have often passed and never knew was large enough for a building, stands the latest night spot to hit the hustle and bustle of the city of kuala lumpur. my first impression of the building is that it must have been quite cheap to build as it looks as though it has been built using aluminium foils. lacking further inspection, this writer was unable to verify this observation. however, the walls does look solid enough from the inside. so, it just might be something stronger than aluminium ... might.

the club's divided into two sections. r&b on the ground floor and rave/house/trance (i still haven't figured out how to tell the difference between those). at least that was how it was on the saturday that i was there. whether or not they have a varying themes on other days is something that this writer will have to find out in a future date.

with full length glass windows surrounding the section facing the main streets (it's in a corner so there are two streets) and sliding doors at the main entrance and at the side, as well as a sidewalk the width of approximately two small tables, the ground floor gave a feeling of space ... until you enter the club. an medium sized island bar, lots of tall tables and plush sofas splatter around the club and a small dance floor takes up the space of the ground floor. it was well lit, although not overly lighted, with a light reddish lighting that i think was quite appropriate for an r&b club. i can't explain why i think reddish lighting seems to fit; it just feels right.

the clientelle in this floor is a pretty good mix. mostly locals with a healthy dose of expats. equal mixture of ethnicity and a good range in age as well. not as young a crowd as, lets say bali in sunway (which rumour has is will be closing down real soon) or the r&b club or*nge on jalan kia peng. working adults mostly, i think.

okay, onward to the 1st floor.

following the counter where you pay your cover charge (around RM30-RM40, must have this confirmed as well since i got in through my friend who bought a bottle), is a spiralling staircase leading up to the second dance area. my friend like the red tinted windows that offers a street view across to the beach club on the wall in which the stairs was placed against. i on the other hand thought it might have looked better in blue. even more so after seeing the room in blue light with white furnishing after a short dimly hallway that greets the end of the staircase. this is a room for people to just sit and have a few booze, similar to a room i've seen at movement. all of the table was reserved that day. we were told to get our bottle from the bar at the dance area which adjoins this blue room so we left that room.

so, we shimmied our way to the dance area. from the entrace, you can see that it was actually a two level space. a staircase on the left of the entrance leads you to a members only section. it has more tables and chairs and a bar plus you have a great view of the dance floor. the dance floor is of a medium size and only starts filling up at around 12.30am but fill up it does way up until the club closes. again, the crowd is mixed although mostly young working adults with a smatterring of older folks about and there were also fewer expats around.

all in all, a satisfying and rather enjoyable trip. would definitely come back to nouvo the next time i need to party and booze.

am at work. finally going to catch up on work. have been slagging off the past few weeks. even the idiot's noticed. asking me why i'm so slow these few days. even told the big boss i looked tired and must have been burnt out when big boss asked him where i was the time i was sick.

didn't do much the last two days cause of the meetings i had to sit in. i felt that it didn't involve my department/company much as the project had more to do with setting up network and hardwares than softwares; which is what i do, softwares. so i've just been sitting in. contributing little if any to the meeting. what a complete waste of time.

managed to weasal my way out of the meeting at 3.30pm yesterday and got some work done. still think that the company should really implement the flexi-time practise. then i don't have to 'stay back'. if they did, i think i'd start work at 1pm and leave at 8pm. my ideal working hours.

i'm a night person.

brain doesn't work in the morning. waste of hours spent in office in the morning. never get anything done. wonder why that is.

six days without a blog. must be a record for me. but then, nobody's missed me have they? i'm still amazed there are people who comes back to this blog day in and day out. albeit, there aren't a lot of people coming and going ... but the numbers says there are some. thank you somes.

we're into the third day of the chinese new year now. twelve more days to go. doesn't feel like new years this year. don't know why. we had the reunion dinner the night before new years ... steamboat as usual. us kids received our ang pows as expected. we all gorged ourselves to the max since the reunion dinner ... as usual. everything's going about the same as it's always been for new years.

so, why was i in such a funk the whole time? i didn't feel the whole spirit of new years at all. not once. not during the reunion dinner. not the next morning, first day of new years, when we started stuffing our faces with our fave home-cooked assam laksa and popiah. nor a few hours later when we ate again during lunch. nor a few hours later during dinner.

maybe it's cause our little 'casino' didn't open this year ... we gamble a little every year during new years, blackjacks usually. no biggie, only $1 or 50 cent bets, small bets really, just for fun, but we do have lots of laughs.

maybe it's cause papa's working almost the whole time. he's on a project for KLIA. don't understand why he has to work during the holidays though. maybe the deadline's really tight or something. don't know. he seems really tired these days. all the field work required for the project must be taking it's toll. he's been sick a few times and the he's been travelling to indonesia and thailand for other projects. he might be taking in more than he can handle. maybe he should slow down.

maybe it's just me being selfish again. since my room's on the ground floor and the huge tv's in my room (temporarily), a stream of people have been coming and going pretty as they please into and out of my room. the computer which papa uses is also in my room. it's like i have no privacy! i even have to change clothes elsewhere. there's always people about. it's like living in a dorm! ... not like i would know exactly how that feels like since i've never lived in one but i suspect i'd go quite mad if i ever had to. empress the selfish bitch!

urgh! i don't know. it's probably just me being a scrooge again. well, 'tis not the season but it works the same. i can just hear myself going 'bah humbug' to all the cheery people who's enjoying the new years.

i really need to analyse myself. why do i feel so down the whole time? what is it that's causing this feeling?

problem is, i can't really pin point the answer. i just don't know.

i don't know.

je se pas.

according to my mom, that's my favourite phrase. ask me anything and i'd just shrug and say "i don't know".

okay. was back at work after two days of rest but couldn't blog cause the network was down at work. the whole day.

i got an email from the producer of the audition i attended last saturday. it was an audition for two musicals; 'something happened on the way to the forum' and 'pirates of penzance'. according to the producer, they would love to give me a part except my schedule doesn't fit into their rehearsal schedule. here's the excerpt from the mail.

Hi Callista!

It was a real pleasure meeting you on Saturday and thank you for coming to
the audition.

We would like to offer you a part in FORUM but will not be able to
accommodate your current work schedule.

Please let us know if your schedule changes. Thanks again and hope you can
come see the show!

Chae Lian
Producer

P.S. we will contact you again at the end of July when we finalise casting
for PIRATES OF PENZANCE.

so, wondering if they were just being polite and was gently rejecting me citing schedule clash, i wrote back to her, after consulting a friend, asking for their schedule to see if i can make rehearsals and this was the reply ...

Dear Callista,

We rehearse from after lunch onwards for about 5 - 6 weeks starting in
March. Once the show starts its run from April 19th - May 11th, you'll only
be needed at night so you can return to your day job.

It is a pretty heavy commitment and we know that it will be difficult for
bosses to give that much time off. One or two days a week might be OK but
probably not everyday for several weeks. Anyway, if you think this can be
worked out, let us know. We already have a shortlist of people but we can
add you on if you are available.

Chae Lian

they should have stated that people who have usual working hours need not apply. then i wouldn't have bother to go. but then i'm kinda glad i did as well cause now i know i can get a part. i must have done something right that day although i forgot my lyrics and couldn't really concentrate on acting out the song.

*sigh* i guess, childhood dream would have to wait a little while longer. always dreamed of being in a musical. all the dancing and singing. i think it's due to all the ballet classes and piano lessons i was taking and the series 'fame' on the telly. wanted to study in a school like that where you can pursue your dreams. pretty cool ... until reality kicks in and there's no such school in malaysia then. nor would my parents have allowed me to go to such a school. no security and what not in show business.

ah ... c'est la vie!

it's finally happened. i'm officially sick. after a week long of stuffed nose, the fever has finally caught on and it's also giving me a mighty headache.

it's a miracle i managed to drive myself to the clinic and back.

won't be writing for at least two days since i'm at home and the connection sucks. won't have much to write about anyway unless i write about how much time i spend in bed sick. i just had to update my auditions page.

hmmm ... haven't written about the asian x-games experience. will do so when my body and head doesn't ache so much.

ta.

ack! ... another quiz

Daria is the poster child for "teen misfit," and holds in high contempt what she sees as the shallowness and superficiality of the world around her. She is also cynical -- though she'd say she's "realistic" -- and mistrustful of authority, and doesn't hesitate to make her opinions known when she sees fit. She has a talent for writing, a sharp intellect, an even sharper tongue (her sarcasm could cut tempered steel), and a wit so dry it makes the Sahara look like a rain forest.

... and another

"You are just as interesting as your weblog!"

You have an interesting weblog and an equally interesting life. You don't need to exaggerate to make your stories sound exciting. They already are. You have a small circle of friends, both online and offline, and they all love having you around. You're an all around nice person and the best friend anyone could ever imagine having.

to apply or not to apply, that is the question...

for the past few days, the idea of applying for a PR to australia has, yet again, reared it's ugly head. it has always been at the back of my mind ever since the day i touched done back on my home soil.

the dream of going back to melbourne. ahhh ... what a dream.

of a life of independence. of the unpredictable yet lovely, at least to me, weather. of a life far away from my family and all the headaches of life in a family.

my friends have different opinions on whether i should or shouldn't go for it. one's all for the idea as she has regretted her decision or rather lack of options that disabled her from applying. another's all for it cause he's never been there but have met the people and it sounds like a great place to live (i agree! ... however, i might be biased). others were more reflective?, as in i should think carefully about the reasons i would want to live in australia. one opined that maybe i should do a little more travelling before deciding on australia as a destination.

hmmm ... a valid point that. however, travelling required money and time. two things that i do not have much in abundance at this moment. why no time? you might ask. the answer is simple, really. it is said that the chances of having the australian PR application approved is higher for those below 25 years of age. and as you know, yours truly will be that age at the end of this year. therefore, i have only about 10 more months left to decide.

so, why am i considering of applying?

i think, i need to get away from the security of my family. i think, i would like to experience again the feeling of being independant like in 1998. although that wasn't truly independant as money was still coming from my family and i did not really have to worry about it. i think, the weather was good for my skin as i had less acne while i was there. i think, it's my fascination with 'white people'.

i think. i think. i think.

i'm not entirely sure.

it's just that i remembered that i loved being there. i loved paying my own bills. cooking my own food. the walk to the laundromat to drop off the clothes and the walk to get the clothes back. wearing a sweater to keep off the cold air from direct contact with your skin. the nice walk to the park to sit on the swing or the walk to the pool thirty minutes away or to chadstone for a movie without breaking a sweat. the musicals that are shown in the city ... ah, the musicals, my love, my life.

maybe it's just the novelty of being away from home for the first time. you know? no restrictions from parents. no worrying about what others in the family is going through and having to adjust according to what they are feeling at the moment ... which can turn out to be quite taxing. no lectures from parents regarding one thing or the other. no watchfull eyes telling us we're doing this or that wrongly. nobody stopping me from trying out something even though it might prove disasterous.

i don't know. should i? or shouldn't i?

how do i decide?

is the need to feel independant reason enough to want to move to a new country?

i've been doing a lot of the test on emode lately. this is one of the result that i particularly like ... although, how accurate it is is unknown to me. it the result of the 'which executive are you?' test.

Okay, time to confess: You've always loved that Randy Newman song "It's Money That I Love," haven't you? Don't worry — that's not a problem. In fact, it actually gives you an advantage in this bottom-line-focused rat race. Not to mention that it makes you an ideal CFO. Chief financial officers are all about money, from accounts payable to petty cash. Since you're detail-oriented and a consummate perfectionist, you'd be great at making sure all the columns on the spreadsheet add up right. Minding the books is hard work, but you love a challenge. Who knows? If this works out, you could end up like Scrooge McDuck and have a giant money bin to swim in. (Mind if we come over for a dip?) No doubt about it, there's a promotion in your future. So keep up the good work!

this one's for the 'what type are you?' test:

You are a Go Getter

Ambitious, focused, dedicated — you're a true Go-Getter. Though you once may have been president of your high school class or editor of the college newspaper, these days you're likely to be found on your cell phone or making an appointment in your Palm Pilot. A short-skirted "Ally McBeal" business suit is your uniform of choice, which lots of men find quite sexy. Your sights are set on career, fame, and fortune, and you may not think you have time for a risky investment like love. Naturally, you attract guys who love a challenge — they're desperate to close the deal and show you that you're wrong. They can probably relate to your insatiable desire to succeed, but want to prove that love is just one more thing at which you can excel.

the 'who's your type? test:

Your type is the Casanova

You're on the market for a sweet-talking, smooth-moving, good-lookingCasanova. This stud knows exactly what to do and say in any situation. He'squite the charmer. Put him in a room, and everyone flocks to him. He'squick-witted, incredibly stylish, and runs with the right crowd. Does thisguy ever have to wait in line? No way. Does he look like he just stepped outof GQ magazine? Always. This super-suave guy is not only fun to be around,but he's part of the coolest scene. Whether it's a top-notch restaurant orthe hottest new club, your man is there. He's a real ladies man. Whenyou're around him, you feel like you're the center of the universe. Thiship, hot guy has got the slick moves and smart lines that keep you comingback for more!

plus several more which i'll post tomorrow. gotta get home for a bit of din-din before heading for streetvoiz practise. and then ice-creams afters ... 31% discount at baskin robbins every 31st of the month ... ie. today!

i'm psyched! my first online purchase for myself will be arriving anyday soon. just received a mail from the people at acmabooks saying that 2 of the 3 bad girls books i ordered have been shipped. yay!

:: y e s t e r d a y ::

more proof that her imperial highness never learns from her mistakes!

had planned on a day in the city loafing about and checking out the asian junior extreme games that begins yesterday. alone. that is after a little chore of dropping off the envelope for my credit card payment.

what happened was two hours of sitting behing the backseat of my brother's car going toward the city. pros - free transportation (i never drive to town if i can help it. the train is so much more convenient). cons - ... continue reading ...

as i was preparing to leave for the city, stef woke up. she looked bored and didn't seem to have anything to do that day. so, i suggested that she accompany me to the city (mistake #1). waited for her to get ready. brother was also going into the city so got a ride from him.

he stopped to pickup r, his girlfriend. she hasn't gotten ready yet when we got to her place, which was 45 minutes after he told her we were leaving for her place. seems that's typical behaviour for her.

sat at a nearby mamak shop for a drink while we waited. she got there a short while later. we were still having our drinks and bro & stef had just ordered fried chicken.

a slight commotion made me turn my head toward the front of the shop where i spied a police near my brother's illegally parked car. alerted him about it but it was already too late so he left the car there in the illegal spot. hey! since we're already gonna pay for it, why move?

off we go again going towards the city. towards citibank for my chore. towards klcc after that. ... really slowly due to the infamous kl traffic.

since it was nearing lunchtime, we all decided to have lunch together at klcc after my bro finish his chore with his insurance agent (mistake #2). i think me and stef wandered around dayabumi for around an hour or more before my brother finished. if you know dayabumi, you'd know how bored and aimless we had been. great! it's already 2pm by then.

my turn ... my chore. they waited for my while i ran into citibank to drop in the envelope.

while i was in, they were told not to wait so they had to go out into the busy streets. they called to tell me to walk to klcc on my own cause they couldn't wait. fine! tis not that far away so it's fine.

had lunch at my fave cafe chain (at the moment). bro volunteered me to pay for lunch and stef seconded it. urgh! hate stef. i'd just paid my bills and here i am running up the numbers again with this new bill. it was almost a hundred ringgit! remember? it was lunch for 4 person. okay fine. i don't do this too often. it's okay. and bro did give me a lift. hmmm ... this free ride was turning out to cost more than anything.

they didn't have much in mind to do after that, so i suggested my original plan of stopping over at the x-games for a looksee.

boy! was it packed! there was a crowd getting in. a crowd getting to the stand to the stands. a crowd everywhere. only managed to watch a dismayal performance from malaysia's team, wonder how they ever got in! missed the demo by 2 japanese brothers over at the vert cause it was on a different stand. was watching the competitors warm up, there was this really small kid in yellow who was really good and light and this other kid in red who was fast and sharp, and waiting for the games to actually begin when my bro called saying we're heading home. argh! just when it's about to begin!

then ... had to listen to them complain in the car about how everything was a waste of time. how we shouldn't have stopped at the games. how we should have just stayed at klcc and did some shopping. urgh!

i'm going to go back to the games next week. but this time, on my own. i can't seem do anything that i want when i go out with other without them grumbling about something or the other. well guys, nobody forced you to follow me to the games. you went of your own free will.

you've been hacking and coughing all day long till tears roll out from you eyes. your mouth feels dry from breathing through your mouth cause that's the only way to get oxigen into your body. and your body ... your body feels cold from the air conditioning in the office but putting on the jacket is just too warm. so, you've been putting on and taking off the jacket to stay warm or cool off intermittedly.

now, just 15 minutes to go to official after hours, it's pouring outside. your car is parked in the building across the road. you don't have an umbrella with you.

just how bad can the day get?

not much more, i hope, as there aren't too many hours left. small consolation for such a miserable day.

why didn't i just pack up and go home to my comfortable bed at home? well, maybe just cause i'm not really that sick. just that the bloody cough and stuffed nose is such a bother. had i gone to the doctors, the probably would have just given me my medication and hie my ass back to the office without and mc. so why bother?

i've taken 2 paracetamol before lunch (probably what the docs would give me anyway) and should probably take another 2 right now! in fact i think i will.

right ... just did.

saturday's come and gone. peter didn't ask me out again. so i guess he's either not interested in anything more than friendship or he's just not interested anymore. doesn't matter. i'm fine with it was just maybe gonna give it a shot should it turn out to be more than friendship.

anyway, since i was free on saturday, went out with some friends for dinner and then shimmied over to the newly reopened 'spiral'. supposedly a really hip and happening r&b club before the close down for relocation. they've relocated. reopened last week. even read a review of the club saturday morning in the papers. pretty good review so i was quite psyched about going.

bleagh ... big disappointment! huge! the place looks good enough. bar's an island sorta thing, plenty of places to sit and stuff and drinks was pretty reasonably priced. problem was, the dance floor was small. a little too small in fact, that all of us thought it was more of a bar with a little dance space than a dance club.

however, they still had problems filling that tiny dance space. seems that not many people comes to the club. it was 12.30am and there was barely anyone on the dance floor. plus, the paper's reviewed that the patrons should be slightly dressy ... meaning no t-shirt and jeans but there was this whole bunch of 30-somethings there wearing exactly that. i'm now suspecting whether the reviewer have actually been to the club and wasn't too drunk and have halucinated his whole joyous experience in the club.

we were there quite early at 11pm and the music being played was good. won't say excellent but acceptable. that was before anyone was in there and nobody, absolutely nobody was on the dance floor. then when about 5 person was on the dance floor, the started playing these retro-pop songs! c'mon! how in the world did pop song fit into and r&b club. needless to say, i didn't get up and boogie cause those are just not the songs i'd boogie to. the 30-somethings didn't seem to mind. in fact, i think they kinda enjoyed it. me, i was just sitting back and laughing at the ways some of them danced. LOL. i know. i know. shouldn't laugh at people just cause they have two left feet but it was just so hilarious i couldn't help myself.

all in all, not a very nice place to go. i wouldn't go there again. what with the lousy music and sleazy crowd. oh! forgot to mention the crowd. there was this bunch of nigerians and one of them tried to pick-up a friend of mine. he was so full of himself. saying how he's a son of a diplomat, how he likes fat women (my friend's kinda on the plump side but she's cute), how much he loves her. my friend was not impressed. not impressed at all. he even asked her if she was a lesbo cause she keeps sticking to me. newsflash guys! girls tend to stick together either when they are uncomfortable with your advances and wants you to hie your ass away from her or when they really like you and am discussing whether to give you a chance (this indicated by giggles and coy looks in your direction). so, take your cue guys and leave or proceed accordingly.

so, in conclusion, i didn't have a nice time and this outing currently hold the record for me dancing the least songs. i usually can go on for hours at end on the dance floor. if you're horny and are on the lookout for some dark meat, you could probably get some action here. otherwise, you'd do better heading somewhere like 'the beach club' or 'el nino'.

met up with peter last night. i'm not sure if you'd call that a date or not. we had coffee, a bit of chat, a bit of laugh. was that a date? i'm not sure cause i haven't been on too many of them. dates ... that is.

only one comes to mind as a actual date. it was back when i was ... 16? 17? a friend's of my brother asked me out and i thought, "sure! why not! let's give this dating thing a shot." that's the one and only time i went out with that guy though. it's not like we didn't have fun. we did. watched a movie. went to the arcade. just plain hung out. so what's the difference between that and hanging out with friends? i didn't see the difference plus it wasn't like i was into the guy so we never went out again. he's still my brother's friend and we're kinda friends as well, i guess.

then there was this french guy who picked me up from coffee bean. i had just gotten back from melbourne and was job searching. had just hand delivered a resume to a company in town and thought i'd hang for awhile. then i met him. i don't even know why i let him pick me up. he wasn't even cute! turns out he's sort of a horny guy. probably out searching for a cheap lay. only went out with him like twice i think. then it was buh-bye!

right. and in between that, i had this course mate who liked me. i knew he kinda likes me but we're mostly friends really. i don't ever think of him as boyfriend material. this is gonna sound really bad of me but ... he's fat and not even ok looking. okay all you people who wants to bash me for not liking fat ugly people do so now or forever hold your peace .... we'd hang out. go dinners. watch movies. never once did i think those were preludes to a certain something that would happen later ...

we were out in the city (melbourne at that time). don't remember what we did but i think we went to watch the 'wedding singer' ... the one with adam sandler and drew barrymore. then we had a delicious italian dinner. mmm ... yum! then we hopped on the train to head home (we students all live around the same area). it was in the train when he popped the question. NO! not THE. geez! only that he asked me whether i wanted to be his girlfriend. of course i told him no and i don't think of him as a boyfriend and that we're good friends. then he asked, "why? why don't you want to be my girlfriend? don't we have a good time when we hang out? i'm a nice guy aren't i?" i went "yes. yes. yes. but i still don't want you as a boyfriend. i don't feel anything for you but friendship." you'd think he'd leave it at that wouldn't you? but no! he had to insist that i tell him the reason i don't want to be his girlfriend. i was like, "haven't you hear a word i've said? i don't feel anything for you. that's why! plus, i don't really want a boyfriend right now. i'm happy being single."

at this point, i was wishing that i could just walk away from him but the train's moving. even worse, we'd taken an express train and it'll arrive at one station before the one i'm getting off which was his station. wish i could have jumped off or something cause he was making me feel really uncomfortable. i stayed silent till he got off. then i headed towards my friends place which i was staying over at that day. of course i told her what happened and she agreed that he shouldn't have placed me in such a spot. all i could say was "hell yeah!"

ever since that day, i've avoided meeting up with him. oh we wen't out for dinner once last year. i was hoping he'd forget the whole incident but i sort of feel that he still likes me that way cause he asked me whether i was seeing anyone at the moment. why i wasn't. as if my explanation of not wanting a boyfriend is baseless. so, yeah, haven't spoken to him since that dinner. it's kinda sad to loose a good friend you can hang out with due to all this crap!

then there's this guy, simon, whom i met at the choir agm. he's a malaysian working in singapore. when he came back for a few days he asked me if i'd like to have coffee. again i went ... yeah. sure. why not. a bit of chat. a bit of laugh. and then he asked whether i watch movies. i'm thinking, "okay. here we go!" but said "sure i do." thing is he didn't really ask me to go for a movie just whether i do watch movies or not. so i took it, the question, literally in the hopes that he gets the idea and switch topic or something.

so ... that's the extent of my dating life. pathetic isn't it? maybe. but mostly it's cause i don't really feel like having a relationship so why date at all?

people say a lot good things about relationships. about how it helps you grow. enriches you life. makes feel things and all that. even though relationship eventually goes sour at the end, you still learn from it and it makes better person. more experience with life.

probably that's what's missing in my life. i always feel like life is pointless. i'm just going through the motions. i don't matter in the whole picture. nothing would be missed if i should suddenly dissappear. it's like what eponin sang "without me, his life would go on turning" in the song 'on my own' from les miserable. in my case, it would go "without me, the world would go on turning".

i really need life experience. most thing i know i've learned from books and i feel i've been sheltered all my life. i need to experience things.

on that note, i think i'll see how things with peter goes. i might actually give the boyfriend-girlfriend-relationship thing a go. he asked what i was doing this weekend and i said i didn't know. he said he's mail me. but he didn't today. maybe sometime this week he will. maybe our meet didn't go too well. don't know.

and life goes on.

created a little site to place announcement for auditions that i come across on the internet, newspaper, ...etc. check it out at http://auditions.blogspot.com.

i've got more to add but don't have the time yet. would do it later. if you have audition information, email me the details and i'll place them there.

first practise for the new dance formation team happened yesterday morning. pretty good effort too. learned some new moves. relearned some old ones. one hour and forty five minutes later, it's over. nice having a little aerobic exercise in the morning. :) following that, had a regular set of big mac meal. mwaahaha ... all the burnt calories regained.

then, more dancing. practise the competition routine with my partner for over an hour before we stopped. me out of exhaustion and him cause he's gotta go chauffer his mom.

crashed out at prem's place for a few hours after sending my car for a wash and vacum (finally!). they were watching 'the corruptor' showing on astro. i didn't remember the movie being so utterly boring the last time i saw it. granted, i still have no idea what chow yun-fat was mumbling about throughout the whole movie. he really need to learn how to speak english before he justifies himself a hollywood actor and his big fat paycheck. just stick to hong kong movies mr.chow until you do, okay?

i brought prem the lavay smith cd i had and she made a copy of it there and then so i could take it home on the same day unlike my russell watson cd that she held hostage for over two months. also brought her the vcd of Amelie ... the french movie that's been garnering really good reviews. it's a light and cute movie. i like.

next headed over to one-utama to check out the seating for the musical 'fame'. yay! a musical finally coming to town. yes? no! not really. i'm still recovering from the shock of the ticket pricing and the seating for the prices. almost 75% of the seating has been allocated to the most expensive ticket (RM250). the cheapest tickets (RM100 - evening show; RM75 - matinee) only occupied 2 - read my lips - 2 rows at the back of the third floor! the next cheapest ticket (RM150 - eve; RM125? - matinee) isn't much better either as they occupy the next 5 - 6 rows in front of the 2 rows and also only at the third floor. the second most expensive tickets (RM200; RM175) are loosely speared out throughout the theatre space of all three floors. eveyone's reconsidering if they really will go for the show. we were all thinking of watching it at the cheapest ticket but if we're not going to see anything at the back of the third floor, we might as well head off to the rental store and get 'fame' the movie on tape! hmmm ... maybe i'll get my sisters to get tickets ... student price is only RM50 and they get a seat at the back of the ground floor ... then i'll take trish's ticket (stef wants to watch too) and watch the show ... hopefully they won't check for student identification on entering the theatre.

still reeling from the shock, prem and push dropped me at the car wash to pick up my car ... my car has never looked so clean! the interior is clean! all trace of dust, sand, grime, gone! yay! headed onwards to the studio for more practise. still tired. wasn't able to practise for too long. had about an hour practise before i called it a day. exhausted. thoroughly drained.

took a shower. plopped in front of the tv for a bit. took dinner in front of tv. started nodding off while watching 'early edition'. switched off telly and went to bed. it was 8pm then. when i woke up next, it's time to get ready for work. wow! haven't gone to bed at 8pm since ... i can't remember. never went to bed early even when i was a kid of 5. probably did when i was a toddler but i can't remember.

it amazes me that i managed to do this - practise, practise, practise for a whole day - every week for about a year when i was doing ballet during my teens. i guess there is something to this age-stamina thing. either that or just cause i haven't been as active after school years and the stamina's deteriorated. yeah. that's probably it. well, it's better that than to think that i'm getting too old for this, isn't it?

• Just checked Rach's blog. It's gone! Rach! What happened?


• The following is a snippet from a mail I received.
  

  Well, if you really have RM50 to spend and no singing teacher, I suggest we go
  out for dinner instead!
  
  let me know when you're free
  

  
  Question ... is he asking me out or am I reading too much into it?
  

My brakes doesn't seem to be working too well. It's a good thing I wasn't speeding when I found that out. Crawled like a snail this morning to get to work. Have to tell my dad about it. I'm not sure where to take the car for servicing. There's the wireman and then there's the mechanic. When do I go to a wireman and when to a mechanic? People should write stuff like this down or tell us about it during drivers ed. Driver's ed's a waste of time here. All we do is sit there for about 6 hours listening to some guy drone on and on about nothing of importance. Some people slept through the class and some started flirting with some kids - kids mainly cause someone 21 while most were only about 17. Anyway, it was a waste of time.

It's Friday today. Maybe I'll start giving all the potential voice coaches a call later. There's this one guy who seems to be teaching a lot of the members of the Selangor Phil Choir and come highly recommended by Cheryl. Although Cris says that he's all booked, Cheryl thinks that I should call him up and try and that he might take me if he thinks I am serious and have potential. Hmmm ... I'm not sure whether I have potential but I'm serious though. So, fingers crossed.