Thursday, February 14, 2002

six days without a blog. must be a record for me. but then, nobody's missed me have they? i'm still amazed there are people who comes back to this blog day in and day out. albeit, there aren't a lot of people coming and going ... but the numbers says there are some. thank you somes.

we're into the third day of the chinese new year now. twelve more days to go. doesn't feel like new years this year. don't know why. we had the reunion dinner the night before new years ... steamboat as usual. us kids received our ang pows as expected. we all gorged ourselves to the max since the reunion dinner ... as usual. everything's going about the same as it's always been for new years.

so, why was i in such a funk the whole time? i didn't feel the whole spirit of new years at all. not once. not during the reunion dinner. not the next morning, first day of new years, when we started stuffing our faces with our fave home-cooked assam laksa and popiah. nor a few hours later when we ate again during lunch. nor a few hours later during dinner.

maybe it's cause our little 'casino' didn't open this year ... we gamble a little every year during new years, blackjacks usually. no biggie, only $1 or 50 cent bets, small bets really, just for fun, but we do have lots of laughs.

maybe it's cause papa's working almost the whole time. he's on a project for KLIA. don't understand why he has to work during the holidays though. maybe the deadline's really tight or something. don't know. he seems really tired these days. all the field work required for the project must be taking it's toll. he's been sick a few times and the he's been travelling to indonesia and thailand for other projects. he might be taking in more than he can handle. maybe he should slow down.

maybe it's just me being selfish again. since my room's on the ground floor and the huge tv's in my room (temporarily), a stream of people have been coming and going pretty as they please into and out of my room. the computer which papa uses is also in my room. it's like i have no privacy! i even have to change clothes elsewhere. there's always people about. it's like living in a dorm! ... not like i would know exactly how that feels like since i've never lived in one but i suspect i'd go quite mad if i ever had to. empress the selfish bitch!

urgh! i don't know. it's probably just me being a scrooge again. well, 'tis not the season but it works the same. i can just hear myself going 'bah humbug' to all the cheery people who's enjoying the new years.

i really need to analyse myself. why do i feel so down the whole time? what is it that's causing this feeling?

problem is, i can't really pin point the answer. i just don't know.

i don't know.

je se pas.

according to my mom, that's my favourite phrase. ask me anything and i'd just shrug and say "i don't know".

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