Not competing

There's a competition this weekend. Sadly though, my partner, Jay, and I will not be competing.

Why not?

Well, so far, since the last time we practise for a performance for one of his friend's wedding, which was back in May 21st, we have practised all of ONE time, and had all of ONE class; both at the beginning of this week. So that was almost a whole month of no dancing. How's that for preparation? We did however do another performance. This time for my university alumni event. It went ok. I kinda messed up the rhumba. Forgot the rhythm for some of the step. :P But then, nobody knew. At least, I hope nobody did.

Our teacher said it up to us whether or not to compete and but he didn't see any reason why we shouldn't as " ... the cha cha actually looked slightly better. Though the jive looks slighly worse. There should have been more improvements but that's fine." I feel the same, which is why I don't think we should compete since there was no improvements. Jay feels it's too rushed and he's also been busy.

And therefore, no competition this weekend.

Prior to the alumni event, I managed to slip in an audition for an upcoming staging of Pygmalion. It's going to be a musical. No, not My Fair Lady; this will be with original music and as is often with the Actor's Studio, it'll be a Malaysianised version.

I was late for the audition. I sang two songs with pitching going up and down and everywhere else except where it should be. I hope they're not as pitch perfect as my previous auditioner. Then jumped around for a bit for the improptu movement part of the audition (nowhere mentioned in the audition notice). Then read a bit of text.

Now, the text reading bit felt a little odd. The part to be read was the part where Liza has already learnt how to speak properly. First time we read it, I was suppose to do it the Malaysian-bahasa-pasar way. I had trouble with that due to the content of the text. Also because I usually try not to speak too bahasa pasar and then I'm thinking I have to inject in some local dialet stuff. So, I stumbled quite a bit there. The second time was better cause it's just regular reading. Just have to read it as is with proper English, it doesn't matter that it's a Malaysian English accent, we're not British nor American to begin with anyway.

The auditioners were friendly. One of them said, "... you know we love you." when I mentioned that I get really nervous at auditions. That had me thinking "Er ... ok." LOL. Then one of them said "charming girl". Don't know what is involved in being charming.

Does excessive nervous babbling constitute as charm?

Hmmm ... must babble more then, huh?

Anyway, fingers crossed for that. *fingers crossing*

IQ Test (retake)

I re-took an IQ test at Tickle cause I received an email from them. Not much difference. Still in the same category - Visual Mathematician. Am not enetirely certain but I think I scored one point less than I did the last time. Or did I get a 129 previously? Somehow the numbers 132 and 129 popped into my head after I saw the result.

Your IQ score is 131

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Visual Mathematician. This means you are gifted at spotting patterns — both in pictures and in numbers. These talents combined with your overall high intelligence make you good at understanding the big picture, which is why people trust your instincts and turn to you for direction — especially in the workplace.

This is another test - the Super IQ test. Taking it for the first time.

Your thinking style is Visual Linguist

Your IQ score is 120. This means that you are smarter than 91.0% of all other Super IQ test takers.

This number is the result of a scientifically-tested formula based on how many questions you answered correctly on the Tickle Super IQ Test.

But there's more to intelligence than a single number, a single score, or a single label. Tickle uses 8 distinguishable dimensions of intelligence in the Super IQ Test. By analyzing your individual scores on those 8 scales, we are able to look beyond the raw IQ score into how you process information, and which intellectual strengths you're best at.

Your test results indicate that the way you process information makes you a Visual Linguist.

You are highly intelligent and multi-talented. Particularly strong are your language skills and your ability to interpret visual information. You tend to map things out spatially, so it's immediately clear to you how things work. Understanding abstract concepts is unusually easy for you and it helps that you are able to see things differently, to see multiple angles on one situation or thing.

You have a very realistic interpretation of life, but your mind is capable of complex, conceptual thought. With most things, you just know what you know and don't particularly enjoy having to explain why or how.

...

As you can see (there was a graph), your top scores are in the areas of Mechanical, Verbal, and Spatial. This is a very unusual combination — only 6 in 1,000 people have it.

Did the test just call me weird?! Bloody hell!

Back to work

After a hectic month of April, it's back to the office and work.

What happened in April?
The culmination of four months worth of almost nightly rehearsal, save Mondays, went moderately well. Most audiences members asked (opinions might be biased due relationship between people asked and cast members) said they enjoyed the show. One guy mentioned and I quote "I was prepared to fall asleep in my chair." but he didn't so that's a plus. The same guy is not a regular nor a familiar of theatre productions and therefore is good in a way as he wasn't comparing the show with the more professional (read: foreign) productions of similar type.

A few hours after the cast party, held after the final show, is the dance competition. Extremely exhausted, dress not as completely decorated as desired (big thank you to mom for staying up the whole night decorating it) and lacking practise, I arrived too late for the practise session. Not that it would have mattered as my partner lost his way.

We managed to marked through the routine on the sidelines before the competition proper began. Then I settled down with two plastic chairs and had some shut eyes. My category is scheduled at two hours after the start of competition.

Altogether, we danced three rounds; heats, semi-finals and finals. Never in any of the rounds did we ever get our routines correct. LOL There's always some screw up somewhere or rather. Oh well. We did our best and our best was a third position. Hurrah! We got on the podium. Not bad for a tired, hungry (did I mention I didn't have breakfast and lunch was a sad excuse of moldy Ramli burger?) and lack of practise pair.

Hope well do better the next time round.

The Psychology of Color - According to Dr. Max Luscher

PROBLEM UNDERLYING THE PRESENT STRESS -- Greatly impressed by the unique, by originality and by individuals of outstanding characteristics. Tries to emulate the characteristics he admires and to display originality in his own personality.
DESIRED OBJECTIVE -- Wants to make a favorable impression and be regarded as a special personality. Is therefore constantly on the watch to see whether he is succeeding in this and others are reacting to him -- this makes him feel that he is in control. Uses tactics cleverly in order to obtain influence and special recognition. Susceptible to esthetic or original.

CURRENT INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR -- Circumstances are such that he feels forced to compromise for the time being if he is to avoid being cut off from affection or from full participation.

Tested from http://www.viewzone.com/luscher.html

Update

What can I say? Have been lazy. Have been busy.

Don't think being busy is a good excuse for not blogging but I think laziness is. It does take some amount of effort to put up a post doesn't it? To turn on the PC, open up the browser, key in the url, login, think up things to say (the hardest part!) ... *phew* ... so much effort for something so bodoh. :P

Ah ... well ... it's fun sometimes ;)

Updates!

• went for a beach cleanup about three weeks ago at Rantau Abang. It was excellent. Went kayakking for almost an hour. Then had more time to spare, went for almost another hour. The beach is amazing! The sea looks so blue-green -- like in a brochure -- and the sand quite soft. At night, some of us slept at the beach under the stars and when you lie down and look up, all you can see is the sky. I have never seen such a huge night sky so choke full of stars. Oh ya! There were lots of junks at the beach as well. Not near the water but at the area where the sand meets grasses and trees. Glass, plastic, rubber, miscellaneous junks, all accounted for. We got a whole truck load. I have some pictures here.
  



• work's been slowly progressing. The last evaluation for the organisation giving the grant was on Monday, therefore that part is over and I'm not quite sure where we stand. Something about placing the idea into an ideas bank. Whatever it is, my friend's going to go on with the application so I'm still fixing stuff. So far, we've had a demo for a telco and an advertising agency (wow! their office is gorgeous!).
  
  I'm having problems getting my application to redirect to HTTPS. If anyone has any clue on how to do this, please contact me. Language used => Java. There's two versions, the servlet version uses URLConnection while the proxy version uses Socket.
  



• car got into an accident on Saturday. This time I swear I am not at fault. I was stopped in the middle of a traffic light queue, even my handbrake was engaged. Patiently (sic) waiting for the light to change, I was suddenly hit from the back. The car jerked to the front and hit the car in front. The back was a Honda Accord(?) and the front was a ... er ... I know it's a 4-wheel drive but am not entire positive that it's a Kembara(?). I was sandwiched. The Honda has a few scratched on it's bumper. Not much damage to the Kembara either maybe a few scratches. Was there a broken light? Maybe. But my poor li'l Kelisa. It almost looked like a Juara, all boxed up (dramatized). The back was dented. The front was dented but even worse than the back. Luckily, I don't think there was any damage to the internal parts ie. engine et al. Could still start the car. Baby's in the workshop now.
  



• 21 days to opening night. Don't think I have mentioned anything about the production I've been rehearsing for, for the past few months. Yes, I have things to bitch about the rehearsals; when have I never eh? Well ... lets just say I'm not happy with many aspects of the production. [*sigh* so lame but I've resolved not to express my opinions on these sort of things as some parties might be overly sensitive about it. If there are any proponents to my bitching about these sorta things; ie. like those that I have done previously, do tell me in the comments so that other people know that I have 'consent'?]
  
  After so many months of rehearsals, I feel that I'm still ill prepared for openning night. AND ... I don't think that feeling will end even after the show has!
  



• Next latin competition coming up on May Day!
  : Costume status -> undone. Haven't gone to the tailor's, haven't bought the cloth. I'm so dead! Design? I like Carmen's costume in Blackpool 2001 but it's long and me being short, I don't think I should get a long dress. But I like the top. I really really like Beata's dress back in 2000 but I wouldn't dare trying it. Still not toned enough for it. She has a black version as well. In the end, I think I'm going to make something like Katarina Venturini's Blackpool 2001 dress. It's kinda like Carmen's but the skirt's till the knees with a front-side slit almost up to the waist.
  : Routine status -> [cha cha] has it's good days but still not very 'together'. Also, can't figure out what arm movements to put in. *urgh* [jive] finished choreography two lessons ago. Many parts still kelam-kabut.
  

Announcement
I've been told by technoLAHgist to announce an upcoming blog meet. Tentatively scheduled for April 19. Hmmm ... just realised it's the day after Joi Ito's scheduled for KL. Venue -> TBC.

Vanity Fair

There hasn't been much hype about this movie at all. Not surprising though. Period movies like these, eg. Emma, Sense and Sensibility, only appeals to a select group of people; usually of the feminine persuasion. No blood and gore or super fancy action stunt in the trailer (which usually shows all the good bits for those movies) to pull in the macho men. Instead, it's a movie with a lot of talking. It's a 'talkie'.

Hmmm ... did I like the movie?

Well, it is not very memorable. Unlike what I felt after watching Patricia Rozema's version of Mansfield's Park, like I had to run out and get another ticket to re-watch it, this one left me with nothing.

It was a nice movie. A tad draggy and yet I felt that some scenes or rather some period of Becky Sharp's life was somehow too compressed and not fully explored. Especially her encounter with the collector of her father's works, The Marquess of Steyne. It seems quite out of character that she was so easily outplayed by the Marquess after she had so skillfully manipulated everyone else up to that point. How is it that the Marquess have the power to intimidate her? Sure, he bailed her out of debt but that somehow, doesn't seem a strong enough reason, at least to me, for somebody who has relied on her strength and cunning to get as far as she has, to suddenly feel so inferior/weak next to him.

Also, the main plot of the movie, her need to better her lot in life, to be up there with the best of the aristos. What is her driving force? I do not see it. What has given her such determination? I have read enough drivel to understand that there is always someone from the lower class who has the determination to better themselves but usually, there is always a reason or an event which have promted them to action. I could not see this in Becky and I think this weakens the whole plot and the appeal of the movie for me. The 'but why'? But why is she doing this? But why does she want that? Why? Why? Why?

So ...

I did not like the pacing.
There are too many holes in the story.
Too many things unexplained.
The series of events and emotions did not flow smoothly enough.

... It was nice. Not good.

Would I go out and look for a copy of it? Probably ... I'm a sucker for period movies. Love the costumes and the protocols and such. When women were women and men were men ... at least, it is; for the upper class and the weathy merchants.

baldilocks

Hmmm ... quite an oxymoronic title don't you think? I mean, how can you be bald and still have locks? Am I interpreting the word oxymoron correctly? I never use it. Only sorta know what it means but am not 100% sure.

Anyway, the past week, I've noticed that my hair seems to be falling at an alarming rate. Not the usual amount that you find on your hairbrush after a brushing. Not the few you find hanging between the holes on the drain of the shower floor after a wash. This is a lot! My brush is covered with hair. The drain's almost clogged. I can feel my head feeling lighter and I see hair on my bedroom floor all the time!

I'm beginning to get a little worried and when I mentioned it to my mom, she said she had wanted to mention it to me; which means that even she noticed there were excessive hair loss. Excessive, more that usual, NOT excessive I'm-having-chemo excessivelah.

Thinking about what I had been doing differently the past week, the only addition to my usual routine is the coffee. My brother just bought 4 bottles of Nescafe and my sis and I are having cuppas everday. Three teaspoons of coffee, one and a little bit of sugar and a generous amout of coffeemate. So, could my hairloss actually be attributed to caffein intake? It is not as if I'm not a regular coffee drinker. Back when I was at the office, I almost always had coffee during teabreak. Of course, I haven't had the daily dose since I've begun working at home but I did not encountered any hairloss during that time, so why now? I don't think I'm feeling any additional stress recently (of course, I can't speak for my subconscious so I don't know if I'm subconsciously stressed out) nor have I started any new routine, although I should be starting a regular walking routine at least! This fat arse is getting fatter and fatter as I type. So in conclusion, it's the coffee.

Started my first day of staying off coffee to see if anything changes. I'll give it a fortnight to see if there's any change. Hopefully by then I'll still have hair on my head else it would be too late to take my friends' advice to check it with the doc.

Pray for me.

Personality test

If there had been personality tests at school, do you think you would have chosen what you've chosen to major or your line of work? Do you think it would have made a difference?

Here's my result:

Your Dominant Intelligence is Bodily-Kinesthetic Intelligence

You are naturally athletic and coordinated, good at making your mind and body work together. Sports are fun and easy for you, especially those requiring good hand - eye coordination. There's also a good chance you're a great dancer, or good at expressing yourself through body language. You learn best by doing, and you feel like you've always got to be moving (even if it's just your hands). You would make a good athlete, physical education teaches, dancer, actor, firefighter, or artisan.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Brilliant! Wouldn't mind being anyone of those things suggested ... except maybe 'actor'. I can't act. I can see how a scene should be done or at least how I think it should be done but I, personally, can't do it.

I don't think it would have made a difference for me. All the suggested career path doesn't seem to be in the 'financially sound' job category. Perhaps the 'teacher' bit might interest my mom though. She's always telling me learn your English and learn your piano so you can teach them. Regardless to the fact that a) I'm not a patient person and don't think I can handle screaming kids, b) piano doesn't come naturally to me. During the years and years of lessons, I need to be forced to practise and there's not touch to my playing. ie. no bloody good! c) my grammar sucks. I kept getting vt mistakes in my essays from Ms. Stucken during Grade 12 English and I never knew how to correct it. It would help if I had asked what the mistake meant and how I was to correct them but ... I didn't.

So yeah! That's out! The only teaching I ever considered was to teach ballet but she made me quit. You were never really good anyway. Have I repeated that many times? Well, if I did, it's because it's a sour point for me. I'm not Margot Fonteyn but I was good. :P

pressies

December is the best time of the year! ... just paraphrasing one of the Christmas tunes we sang in one of the choir's concert a couple years back.

December's when I get presents! Yay pressies! Birthday pressies! Christmas pressies! Pressies! Pressies!

So, what did I get this year? Hmmm ... lots of liquid containers. Two mugs, a glass, and a water bottle (dang! I forget what those bottles are called!). Am I looking dehydrated? Also, lots of accessories. This one's definitely a hint about my lack of accessorising. :D

Thanks everyone!!! Lovely lovely presents!

Broken toys?!

My toys might be broken.

I sent two rolls of films to be developed and both rolls came out blank. One's the first B&W test roll from the Holga and the second's from the Cybersampler.

There could be two possibilities:

1. the films got exposed in the long period of time that it was in my little white backpack. I think it's been there for a few months. Can't even remember when I took them out of the camera.
2. the films got exposed when I took it out of the camera. This might be applicable only to the Holga though, since the Cybersampler is just a P&S where the film rolls nicely back into the cannister after you've rewounded it.
3. the films got sick of tired of sitting in the camera waiting for me to finish them and decided to expose themselves; just to teach me a lesson!

Urgh! Ok ok ... so, I'm not the world's greatest photographer, I'm not even a good photographer. I just like the cameras. :D

Hopefully they're not broken. :( Will bring the Holga out for a walk tomorrow and finish the roll that's in there.

Please work!

Should but didn't

There are times when there are events where I should have blogged about but don't. It seems that I only blog when my temper flares and in doing so, tend to raise the tempers of others as well. Ah well ... such is the way of bitch blogs.

Anyway, I should have wrote that I won a competition on Sunday.

It was a latin dance competition. Yeah, I finally found a partner. It was this guy from my ex-teacher's class, which I went in a few times to assist a few years ago. Anyway, he just got back from his studies and was looking for a partner. So, we got together, had about four classes and about as many extra practises and went for the competition.

It's nothing incredible. Yes, I did win but we only entered the Beginners category. A few friend from the studio teased me that it wasn't fair for us to join that category cause I have previously competed in Novice/Grade D (one up from Beginners) and once in Pre-Amatuer/Grade C.

Since I've never competed in Beginners before -- due to my previous partner having won in that category and was not allowed to compete in the same category again -- and I've never even been in the finals of Novice, I didn't think it was unfair. Besides, my new partner has never competed here before; only in the collegiates. That's not unfair ... was it?

We won! Ha ha ... at least I can say I won the Beginners. Now I'll try to get in the finals of the Novice and maybe win?

Oh yes! Had a little mishap during the finals. I almost did a Janet Jackson towards the end of the Jive, when the clasp of my costume (a halter neck dress) popped. Luckily I heard it pop and managed to catch it and stepped to the side to try and reclasp it. Didn't manage to though but thankfully, it was towards the end of the dance. One of the adjudicators kept watching me, wondering why I stopped halfway and stepped out of the floor. Guess he must have figured out that I had a problem with my costume when my friend came to help me with it and didn't mark me down for it. *phew*

That was quite a day! Even managed to rush to sing with the choir at the convent before rushing back to the competition to get my results. I wanted to just wear my tracks during the prize presentation but Mr. Lee (my teacher) said he'd rather I don't go out than to let me go out there looking like that. Well ...

... actually he said he'd rather I went out in my underwear than let me go out like that. ;P


I promtly changed back to my costume :)

How appropriate! :)

Was over at the Goddess's place when I tried this out. Just had to laugh when I saw the resulting card. LOL ...

I am The Empress The Empress can refer to any aspect of Motherhood. She can be an individual mother, but as a major arcana card, she also goes beyond the specifics of mothering to its essence - the creation of life and its sustenance through loving care and attention. The Empress can also represent lavish abundance of all kinds. She offers a cornucopia of delights, especially those of the senses - food, pleasure and beauty. She can suggest material reward, but only with the understanding that riches go with a generous and open spirit. The Empress asks you to embrace the principle of life and enjoy its bountiful goodness. For a full description of your card and other goodies, please visit LearnTarot.com

What tarot card are you? Enter your birthdate. Month: Day: Year:

three strikes, you're out

Musicals.
I love musicals.
I really cannot recall what influenced me in the first place. Nobody else at home listens to it. My friends way-back-then don't listen to it. So it's sort of a puzzle to me how I came about them and how I've come to love them so.

More than anything, besides listening and watching them, I would love to be in one.

From my older postings about my various attempts at audition, you would know that I don't audition well. Plus, a musical production here is few and far between, which is why I've been in more opera productions than musicals. In the previous two musical auditions, I didn't get them. The first cited schedule incompatibility and the second ... well, the second, I was just total crap. Monologue was involved and I don't know how to do that.

This third time, the audition went moderately well. I was out of pitch, and I knew it as soon as I sang it, which is bad, and made even worse when the auditioner, mentions it and started plonking on the piano. Must say, aside from the slight off-pitch, I felt that I was more relaxed singing this time than at my other auditions. I think I was quite clear and projected well enough without too much of the vibrato that seems to appear whenever I'm nervous. So, I guess, that's an improvement. Later the auditioner told me to stay back and then asked me to go to her house for a session. Little did I know that this was strike one!

Strike two was entirely my fault. The session at the auditioner's was three days after the audition. I should have spent the two days before the session preparing for it but I didn't. In fact, I didn't even know what song I wanted to do until the night before. Since she doesn't mind us looking at sheet music when we sang, that made me even lazier. Also, I've never really practised for auditions. I actually don't know how to do that. I'm singing all the time anyway so I took that as having practised. Guess it has to be more concentrated than that!

Anyway, during the session, she briefed us on what she's trying to achieve, what the sessions are for and what the musical is about. It all sounded terribly interesting and experimental. It would be interesting in seeing what comes out of it all. Then she made us, there were three of us in that session, sing two songs. The first was four lines of Is You Is Or Is You Ain't, My Baby and the second was Audrey II's song Mean Green Monster from Outer Space from the musical Little Shop of Horrors. After that, we each did the song we've 'prepared'. I did badly, my pitch was everywhere and was holding back my voice and as the song went, it went worse and worse as I hear myself sounding worse and worse which made me sing even worse. Should have just sung one of those songs that I sing all the time instead of selecting something new cause she wanted variety in the pieces she asked us to prepare. After that, we arranged for our next session. Mine was the week after while the other two were in December?

Why I didn't think that odd, I didn't know. I just didn't question it. Only thought that it was because I could make it.

This morning was the second session.

There were more people this time, eight, I think, including some local celebrities. It was their first session with her except me and one other person. There was no briefing and we started directly with Is You Is Or Is You Ain't, My Baby. She gave out scores this time and we did the whole song. As well as we could do for that song in one session anyway. We did some exercises to improve timing and tried a voice wobbling exercise. I had trouble doing the wobbling exercise. I couldn't do it when I came my turn to try it. The wobbling was fine when I tried it softly on my own while we were all experimenting on how to produce it but when it came my turn to do it, I just lost it. It just wouldn't wobble.

We took a break after that and did Mean Green Monster from Outer Space when we came back. It was a blast even though I didn't get all the timing and notes right. Something which I've been fretting about.

Something which I shouldn't have fretted about at all if I had known what was about to happen.

She told a few of us to stay back at the end of the session. Then asked me and another person to go with her to her office. Where she laid it on us.

She told us that the musical is going in one tangent while we were heading towards a different tangent. She said that she would not like to waste our next 6 months and then telling us that we do not fit in the picture. I asked her how am I swinging off her tangent and she says that the musical requires a more experimental sound and that I am more to-the-score. She said we had lovely voices, which is why we were there in the first place and if she was doing some other musical, something not so experimental, she would have loved to have us in the process.

I didn't know what to say. I was sad that I'm not suitable and I even told her "I'm sad but *shrugs*" and thanked her.

I wanted to say, "I don't mind wasting that 6 months. I don't mind trying and then finding out at the end of the 6 months. You might find that I'm suitable after all. I thought you wanted it to the score which is why I tried getting all the notes and timing, not that I got it correctly anyway but I knew I hit them more that the others today did."

I wanted to but I didn't. I didn't dare. How do you wedge yourself through a door that's closing in your face?

*sigh* A dream almost came true.

Haven't done these in ages ... quizzesssss

Your Power Color Is Orange You live in the fast lane. You love action, risk, and competition. You're spontaneous, enthusiastic, and persuasive. But you're also easily bored - and love to rebel against structures. You resent rules ... as well as people's attempts to control you! What's Your Power Color? Take This Quiz :-)

You Are the Reformer

1 You're a responsible person - with a clear sense of right and wrong. High standards are important to you, and you do everything to meet them. You are your own worst critic, feeling ashamed if you're not perfect. You have the highest integrity, and people expect you to be fair.

What number are you?

You have to tell me what you want

The christmas conductor reminds me of my physics teacher back in school. She (the physics teacher) would come into the lab, call out a lazy (or maybe defeated?) "Senyap kelas" and proceeded by opening her various reference books. She usually have about two or three of them. Then class would begin with her droning on and on about this and that theory with her face down looking at her books the whole time. Save for the occasional "Senyap kelas" yet again when the din of the class gets above her acceptable level of noise.

How did the conductor remind of my teacher? Well, for most of the time while he was conducting, he has his face towards the score. His hands is beating the time and he'll cut us on cue but his face is almost constantly looking at the score. The face towards the reference material which reminded me of my ex-teacher.

Anyway, he had me wondering. If we were to learn the score and to sing the songs without scores, shouldn't he be as prepared to conduct us without the score as well?

Besides that, he doesn't seem to conduct us in terms of the dynamics that he wants and the when the song ends, he would comment that there was no dynamics. Gee ... if he didn't tell us that he wants a particular section to be louder or softer, thunderous or mousy, how were we suppose to know? The scores have indications but to what degree does he want them? Obviously whatever we were doing was not enough but if he didn't tell us to adjust it while we are singing, how were we to know?

Well, at least he can beat time and does cut us off on cue.

I think I'm just being picky about what conductors do after having been spoiled by the woof-woof conductor. She knows precisely what she wants and you can tell by her facial expression when you have or have not given her what she wanted. Even the closet case conductor knows what he wants and tells it to you while conducting; although, he can be a little erratic at times which just means that you have to watch him when you're singing. Which is something you should be doing anyway, watching your conductor.

However, the program is coming together nicely. My frustration with the matter is in the organisation. Looking for a replacement pianist is proving to be an incredibly difficult task and the conductor's not helping in being quite inflexible and refusing to have a temporary pianist for a couple rehearsals when the official pianist cannot make rehearsals. *sigh* I have two person who might be able to play for us, one of which will have to check her calendar before confirming. The other might have problem with one of our performance dates due to work. *sigh* If the former cannot make it, I'm hoping the latter will be able to maybe take off work an hour early just for that day.

Here's to hoping.

first day of the rest of my life for the next 6 months

Last day of work at the office which I have been going to like a drone, day after day, for the past 4 1/2 years was uneventful. Unremarkable. No different from packing up at the end of each working day and going home. Except this time, instead of my usual water carrying bag, what I brought down was a corrugated box, one of those you get when you buy A4 papers in bulk. Imagine ... one box, after 4 years. I'd thought my table was more cluttered than that!

So, I had my last lunch, shook my colleagues hands and left.

Except for a frantic phone call from the girl who's taking over my project while I was driving home, didn't manage to say goodbye to her cause she wasn't in the office when I left, to reconfirm that she's allowed to call me if she needs any help with the project, that was that.

A week sure have passed by really fast.

That was last Tuesday. The day after I got back from a 4 days, 3 nights stocking trip to Bangkok.

Bangkok is like a huge pasar malam. A very large pasar malam which instead a weekly event, it is on every single day. With exception for Chatuchak market. An art market which is only open on the weekends. Chatuchak is so huge that you will definitely get lost within it's confines. If you ever find anything you like in Chatuchak, my advise is for you to buy it for you're unlikely to see the shop again ... well for me at least ... and I usually have a very good sense of direction!

Besides Chatuchak, we also scouted out Pratunam for our -- my biz partner and I -- goods. Most of our stocks are acquired at Pratunam. I am dissappointed at the prices we got though. We had definitely underestimated how much it would cost. My friend told me that prices are almost 20% - 25% below what we paid for when I decided to join her in the biz. *sigh* strike one!

As I've predicted, the stocks weighed more that my friend anticipated and we decided to courier them back instead of trying to smuggle them back as luggages. We did factor in this possibility except, again, my friend quoted me a figure which was 50% lower! strike two!

Two days later, on my first day of unemployment, I received a text from my friend that we're being taxed for our package! She managed to persuade the to lower down the tax (read: bawah mejalah!) to half the value which was still quite a large amount since it was a few hundred ringgit. strike three!

This is not boding well for the price of our goods. This means that the cost goes higher and I can't offer it at too low a price and I am wary as to whether people will buy our goods at the price we'll be selling them. *praying hard*

Bangkok wasn't all bad. We had delicious sausages from a cafe called S&P, not one really since it's a chain. In fact, we went there 3 days out of the 4. :) Also, I had nail art done. It looks really lovely, really. Cheap too! Sadly, my past three unemployed weekday last week was filled with bill paying, resolving matters regarding my car and house chores. The last having detrimental effects on my nice pretty nails. They're not so nice anymore. Especially the five digits on the right. The paint have begun to chip at the edges. Still looks fine from afar but up close, you can see all it's flaws.

Today, I've begun my first step in my new job. I've begun researching on the methods to create the application which I have been employed to do. I am still not certain how to go about it and hopefully, my friend (who is my boss now), won't be too dissappointed. He'll be coming over to discuss the project later. Hope he has more insight into how he thinks it can/should be build.

Hello ... still alive

Yes, still alive. Did I disappoint anyone?

What has happened over the hiatus?

Firstly, attended a couple interview and I must say I did badly at both of them. My technical knowledge seems to have plummetted into nothingness. Without realising it, I have slowly forgotten most of the basic concepts that are required or just basic usage of the programming language that I use everyday at work. All the debugging and adding of functions into existing classes has made me a procedural programmer instead of the object-oriented programmer that is the essence of the Java language.

*sigh* tis a sad day indeed. Therefore, I am truly not surprised that they, the interviewers, did not contact me for further interviews. Hence, I am going to join in my friend's venture into his new company. Hopefully, this will give me time to reacquaint myself with all the necessary skills which I have lost as well as an opportunity to create something different. *fingers crossed*

Anyway, in that time, I was asked by one of the online networking group which I belong, to choreograph and teach them a salsa number for their monthly networking dinner. The theme for the dinner being 'Latin Heat' so, salsa is mucho latin-lah! Since I don't know much about salsa except the basic steps, the number was choreographed based on my knowledge of latin (ie. cha cha/rumba) figures.

They had in all five rehearsals excluding the venue rehearsal on the day itself and they managed to perform it satisfactorily. It wasn't perfect but it was ok and they had fun. Let me tell you, these adults gets more rowdy and more difficult to control that kids (er ... not that I deal with lots of kids, I'm just assuming! :P). I got really stressed during one of the last rehearsal cause they couldn't get one of the formation I gave them and I took it out on my friend, whom I had asked to help me with the choreography as well as in helping me teach them. Friend ... again, I'm really sorry I did that. I suck!

I didn't manage to watch them perform it live as I had an alumni meeting on the night of the dinner. Managed to run through with them a few last times at the venue before I had to dash off for the meeting and came back to the dinner just after they'd performed. Only got to watch them through tiny viewfinder of a DV.

Minor stuff ...

- got called to do a dance for a watch launch which I got paid quite reasonably and might be doing the same number again in October for another launch but studio lady has not confirmed if it's going to happen,

- am coordinating for this year's Christmas programme. Urgh! I hope that doesn't flop. The only other time I've coordinated anything which does not only require caterer calling and members calling was back in school for a Leo club activity. That didn't quite work out and the committee members had to help me out. Oh well, what can I say? I wasn't an active member, more of a silent member ... a very silent member ... almost in name only, was volunteered to do it and therefore, didn't know what in the world I was doing. I'll try and cover all bases with this one now. Even though the people involved will likely start calling me a pest for calling them too often to check on progress. :P

- front of housed for Sean Ghazi's show. The first day I FOH-ed, I thought, "man! What the heck happened to his voice? Did he choose the wrong songs?", cause I thought it was quite bad. I've heard him once before at No Black Tie last year and thought he was pretty good but he sang a different set then. He sounded better last night though, especially during the matinee. If my opinion was of any weight, I would advise him not to sing 'Last Night of the World'. Boy, you just don't falsetto well!

As for his guests, I'm not overly fond of Aura Deva as Kim and Tup Tim. It sounds a little squeaky at times. However, I must say I loved it when she sang the Meadowlark song. I don't know the title of that song but I loved it. The thought which came to me when I heard her was that, she would do quite well with the role of The Narrator for Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Unknownst to me that that's the role she's been playing most recently. Should read the programme book next time. LOL. Loved Izlyn Ramli's deep and sexy jazzy voice. Man! I wish I could sing like that! Adam Farouk? Good looking, tall and talented. He only sang one song, Elton John's Your Song, but he had a nice style. Nice.

... Right, I'll stop for now. I shall try to update more frequently but people, there's really nothing much to update aboutlah. But I will try since I do get a "Hoi woman! Update your bloglah!", sometimes. :)

getting stupider

The two interviews yesterday was a definite brain drain. Questions about projects which I have created several years ago and have forgotten how the whole thing works, technical questions which I have once learnt but hardly put into practise and therefore can't for the life of my explain how it'll work, questions about design patterns that came out after my schooling days which I should have kept up with but couldn't find it in me to do so; tiring as hell.

Without realising it, I believe I have gradually grown more stupid as the years go by. Maybe it's just cause I'm in this company where things have to be done a certain way - and most times it's not the right way. Maybe it's me not having the initiative to keep up with the current trends. ... I think it's a lot of both.

So now I realised that technically, I know less that I knew when I was in school. You could always count on me to understand the programming concepts easily ... linked list, pointers, inheritance. The teacher could call on me, which one of my teacher often does, for the answer and I'd be able to answer correctly. Easy peasy. Now, I can't even tell you when or why you should use extend or interface in Java.

What a disaster! I need to go back to the books. Catch up on new modelling and design techniques. Relearn! Back to school!

scared

I'm scared.

I've been so blasé about the whole job quitting and the not having a job for awhile won't kill me thing but the whole thing is just beginning to sink in now. All the worries and all the reasons which kept me holding on to this job for the past two year are now going to be in-your-face real, come October.

There were some calls for potential job interview a couple weeks back but I haven't received the email/callback which the agents mentioned. The proper thing to do for this would be to have me call them up and check-up except 1. I didn't have their number, 2. I don't remember the name of one of the agents who called, and 3. I'm not sure if I want to go through the whole IT thing again. About #3? I don't know what else I'm capable of doing besides IT (and even this, I don't seem to be extremely capable).

Some have suggested that I teach dance. Well ... I could do that ... but where? And who would take classes from me? Plus, I'm one of those people who of the opinion that if you don't know enough of something, you shouldn't be teaching someone else about it. I might know my cha-cha-cha but there's so much to the cha-cha-cha that I still don't know about and therefore, don't feel confident in teaching it. *sigh* I should just shut up and do it, shouldn't I? Just teach what I know? To those who don't know anything at all?

Ok. That's option 2. Option 1 is of course to just keep looking for other development jobs.

Options 3 is a really short term thing which, if precedence prevails, won't happen, a 3 contract dance job. Cool isn't it? A job just to dance. And not a super taxing dance thing either from what I hear. Backup dancing to a latino band at a new latin club/bar. Three hours a day, about 3k a month. Hmmm ... if dancing was that well paying, why are there so many struggling dancers?

Option 4 ... friend's grant gets approved and I work for him. Still in IT. Still in development but we'll be working on something new. When it gets approved lah. Got rejected the first round and will be going for a review.

Last drastic option, change industry totally. What industry am I looking at?

Event Management.

Why? I don't know? I think it might be an interesting job. Having been in several theatre/art productions I find that the many things required to get just one little production working, utterly fascinating (ehm ... one recent production notwithstanding). What Lee Swan did, what the lighting guys do, the staging guys, the Uncle Wong team ... too bad I didn't have a chance to do more in the last production. So yeah! Would love to go into event management if possible. Question is HOW?!

In the mean time, I will keep on applying for IT jobs. I still have a car to pay for. Scratching my head now wondering how I can come up with 15k to pay off the company's car loan when my last day comes. Dad doesn't think I can get a loan from the bank cause I'll be unemployed. *sigh*

you imcompetent fool!

So, I hear you broke down at the end. Hah! Serves your right.

Strutting in like you own the group. Having the musicians screamed at because you are unprepared, unconfident, clueless about what you are doing and what you want and unwilling to admit that it was your fault. Talking down to the choir like we were some kind of ten year olds. Telling me to shut up in front of the whole choir when I was trying to tell you that the choir couldn't read what you wanted.

WHERE WAS YOUR ONE?!
WHERE WAS YOUR CUT?!
ARE WE STILL DOING THE FERMATA?!

Fuck! We're not doing it the same timing as the main cheese? Or even almost in the general vicinity?

I consider you a friend. My voicing out the some of the member's gripes and mumbling was in hope that you will be able to work with them what they need so that they can work with you. Would you rather not hear it? Would you rather be oblivious to their problem? I think you do.

I should just keep quiet.
I should just let you keep getting frustrated on your own and not having you lash out on me.
Why should I bother to take that slack? Cause I'm just a meddling fool. Yup! I'm just a regular 'pat poh' who won't shut up and thinks she knows better.

FINE!

Have it your way.
Break down every night you have to conduct.
Think that everyone's looking down at you.
Hide behind your "I don't have the experience." and yet not listen to advice by people with experience and others trying to help.
Go on! Cocoon yourself in your own greatness! Enjoy it!

Hotmail joins in the mail storage war

Finally! Hotmail has decided to join the war of the I-give-more-storage-than-you war. Good for me and all free hotmail account users! Woo hoo! Yessiree bob! Hotmail is going to upgrade. They'll be giving all free mail subscribers 250MB of storage soon. A massive upgrade compared to it's initial miniscule 2M. Good onya! Percentage wise, even more than Yahoo! mail who just recently upgraded from 6MB to 100MB. Although, I think they must have missed a server cause one of my account have yet to benefit from the upgrade. Should probably drop them a line soon. Hmmm ...

Hotmail was my first free mail service. Got it way back in 1995? Or was it 1996? Even back then I couldn't get my name for an account. Guess I wasn't that much ahead of the pack huh? But at least I have my name for gmail now. Cool! I finally get one. Can't even purchase the domain with my name. Would it be extremely bad of me to wish that the company with the domain I want goes bankrupt so that the domain expires and returns to the public for repurchase soon?

Why Are You Still Single? test

Don't Want To Slow Down

Whether you're working all hours, busy with school, or planning a cross-country move, it sounds like you just don't have time for anyone else in your life...right now, that is. Your timing may be off in other aspects, too. Chances are, you've met that perfect person who just so happens to be married or planning their own cross-country move. So take a step back for a moment. Is there something underlying this? Could it be you're afraid to get involved for some reason or another, and are therefore attracted to people who are simply unavailable?

Whether you're secretly sabotaging yourself or not, try a little exercise. Open your mind to those who are around you (and available!) right now. Then let up on your schedule to let that someone in. That is, unless you want to get married to your goals, and not Mr. or Mrs. Right.

Hitting the road in an RV could be just the way for you and your troupe to take it all in.

-----

I'll just direct anyone who asks me this question here the next time they ask. :)
What's your excuse?

True talent test

Your true talent is spatial ability

Your ability to visualize objects in three-dimensional space gives you a unique view of the world. Because of this talent, you are much better than most people at imagining new designs including floor plans, page layouts, and three dimensional objects.

How do we know that's your true talent? While you were taking the test, we calculated your responses to each test question and rated your skills in 5 areas. You scored highest on spatial ability.

People like you are usually great when it comes to putting together assemble-it-yourself furniture or other household items — whether the items arrive with instructions or not. Your spatial skills also help you understand the finer points of how things work.


... what's your talent?

So so lost

Man! Me trying to sight sing is almost as bad as me trying to sight play. My sight reading is really really REALLY bad! Non-existant even! Therefore, was tremendously lost during rehearsal.

Trying to get notes from [medication-girl] who's trying to get notes from me was .... how do I put this? ... a bad idea. I tried to listen to what she was singing and she's listening for me. So, it's the both of us listening to each other with neither of us knowing what we're suppose to sing while [food-critic] was way too far from us to be of any help. I wanted to laugh but it would have been inappropriate. Then we have [coloratura-wannabe] not being able to shut up when we're trying to get our parts. Urgh!

*sigh* Will need to go and *plonk* my part out tonight in preparation for tomorrow's rehearsal. Hope we'll spend some time on it tonight. There's another jamming session at [bubbly-momma]'s tonight. Yay! Fun!

stateside proxy

*sigh* I need a proxy in the States man! All the amazing freebies are for valid resident of the U.S. I need someone in the States that I can used their address for shipping and when they receive the freebie, will ship it to me. Wonder if such kind souls exist?

Look at this freebie. Wouldn't you like one of these babies for naught?

Tickle's Original Inkblot Test

[Y]our subconscious mind is driven most by Curiosity

This means you are full of questions about life, people, and the potential of your future. You spend more time than others envisioning the possibilities of your life — things that others are too afraid to consider.

Your curiosity burns with an almost physical need to know and do more. It's only through new experiences that you feel a greater understanding of yourself or the world — which ultimately is the greatest way for you to feel satisfied.

It is possible that the underlying reason for your drive towards curiosity is a deeply rooted fear of boredom. That means that you are probably more susceptible than others to feel like you're falling into a rut when life slows down into a comfortable routine.

You need to make sure you have stimulation in your life — that makes you feel like you're innovating or being exposed to the ideas and experiences that truly inspire you.

With such a strong orientation towards curiosity, you're also prone to a rebellious quality that shows up when you feel you are just going through the motions, and are unable to really influence the world around you. But interestingly enough, your drive towards novel experiences also indicates an openness others don't have, but wish they did.

Unconsciously, your curiosity presses you to learn more, experience more, and get the most out of life.

Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Curiosity, there is much more to who you are at your core.


empress's note: Quite accurate I think. Which makes it a little scary, don't you think? I believe the curiosity about everything is correct but then, isn't everyone curious about things? No? Also, the boredom bit is absolutely true. I'd go mad if I get bored. Why else do you think I immerse myself in so much activities? Too much sometimes. Heh heh ... but it's all in good fun!

Not sure about the part about "..your drive towards novel experiences also indicates an openness others don't have, but wish they did". Didn't think I'm all that open to novel experiences. Neither do I think that other are envious of my openness

From an employee's point of view

... or in other words, the idiot's most recent blunder?

I am of the opinion that if your subordinates performs badly, it reflects badly upon you as the manager/supervisor.

Now correct me if I'm wrong but as a manager, isn't it your responsibility to make sure that your subordinates do well? That they are performing well and also that they are consistently working efficiently as well a happily under your care?

And if they are performing below par? Who is to blame? Them or you?

Recently, I was arranged to attend a meeting with a potential client for a project. Besides myself, one of our business development guys (BD) and the idiot (PM) were to be in attendance as well. The meeting was set at 3pm. I left at 2.30pm as the previous trip to that client's office was approximately a 30 minutes ride. The other two left earlier to attend to some other matter; unrelated to this client.

So, there's three cars heading towards the city for the same meeting. BD arrived first. Followed by PM. Me? I got stuck in traffic. Bad selection of route since I'm not familiar with downtown traffic at that hour. At the appointed time, I was still stuck in traffic with and estimated ETA of 20 minutes? However, since I was going to be late and the 'important' people are already at the meeting, I SMSed them to go ahead with the meeting and not to waste time.

I arrived an hour later at 4pm, apologizing profusely about my lateness citing bad traffic and having chosen the wrong route. We went on with the meeting. The client and BD cotinued their discussion and I intermittedly interrupted which my concerns. PM just sat there.

An hour later, having concluded the meeting, while the three of us was waiting for the lift to arrive, I apologised again for being late citing the same reasons. Then we left in our separate cars.

The next day, sometime after lunch, I receive and email from PM, requesting an explanation for my being late for the meeting. He further wrote that he has noticed that this was not the first time that I have been late to a client meeting and HR has record of my lateness as well. This email was CC-ed to the HR Manager and his superior.

Now ... I find this baffling. Is verbal explanation to your superior not enough? Was my explanation on-site insufficient? Are further written evidence of 'misconduct' necessary? Lastly, why is there a need to inform others in the company? If he has a bone to pick with me regarding the matter, shouldn't he talk to me first?

Maybe this is why he's the manager and I'm the subordinate.

I did not understand that Managers are suppose to tattle about every one of their subordinate's misdemeanors.
I did not understand that Managers are time keepers of their subordinates. Keeping a record of what time they arrive in the mornings, goes out and comes back from lunch and goes home.
I did not understand that Managers do not have to confront with their subordinate's when they have a problem with them. That is the HR Manager's task. [ I must really keep this one in mind. ]
I did not understand that Managers are not responsible for their subordinates not being able to make deadlines. It's the subordinate's responsibility. Theirs and theirs alone.


What's your take on this?

post dated rant < continued >

... alright then, continuation of previous rant.

Right, where was I?

Oh yes! The recorded lecturing and the unfairness of it all. The little ditty sang by the grasshopper seems to come to mind at the moment. Y'know the one that goes 'Oh! The world owes me a living. Ta di da di, ta di da di da.'

Anyway, what I wanted to say, from all that ranting was this. I think I need to live for my own. That is, to do things that I want to do and not to always live for the future. If you're consistently doing things for the unknown future, you don't live in the now. You don't enjoy the now. You just work, work and work FOR the future. What if the future never comes? What then? What would you say your life have been like? You wouldn't have lived it yet cause you were planning on 'living' in the future. Well, then it's too bad isn't it? You've missed your chance. Now it's too late. What good is the future to you then, huh?

If I do not live for myself now? When else would I have the chance? I don't have a family to support (not referring to my parents, my family as in my husband and kids, if any), not currently attached to anyone in anyway, so this would be the best time for me to experience life wouldn't it? Options tends to get limitted once the ball and chain gets into the picture.

*sigh* If I really do decide to be selfish, would they really 'disown' me? I don't think so but I think they'd be really angry and would harp about my selfish decision for the rest of my life. On the other hand, I would always kick myself on always listening to my parents and not standing up for things that I want to do. Spineless person, me! Ugh! I need to learn to stand up for myself and not care about doing things that my parents don't like soon! I mean soon! C'mon girlie! You're no spring chicken no more! Can't always kow-tow to them! Urgh! I hate weak me!

Alright, back to the original matter that caused all this. The transfer.

I've rejected the offer. Somehow, I just can't imagine myself there. At backwater somewhere. I would be so bored that I could probably actually start reading the programming books that I've bought but haven't had the time to explore. Might actually be surfing the net for information that would actually teach me more about things that I need to know for my job. In other words, I could actually turn into a geek. Which is a good thing, sorta. I'm a geek wannabe who's too lazy to actually study the stuff that I need to actually become a geek. So, I could actually turn out to be the type of people I listen whenever they speak cause they actually know what they're talking about. But I did not want to sacrifice my social life. I like my all my friends and the activities that we do to much to become a bona fide geek. The trade-off just isn't worth it, I think.

So, I've rejected the offer and the HR Manager asked if I'd be open to other types of jobs, jobs that are not IT related ... in other words, jobs that I'm not qualified for lah! I said sure to keep my options open.

She found me an opening within a few hours. Another sister company. In sales. I hate sales! but I didn't tell her that. Just went and met with one of the Managers of that company which is housed within our main office. Don't think I made a good impression as I kept saying that I've never done sales and what I've been doing so far has always been development.

I don't know what's going on with that option as the HR Manager left for surgery the next day and will be away for a whole month. I will reject that offer as well should they decide to offer me the position.

As they seem so desperate to get me out of my current company, I would not be surprised if they decide to fire me in the end. I am after all ... excess personnel.

I will gladly leave. I'll have a reason to bum around.

... at least as long as the money holds up.

the past week ... ok more than a week { just ranting }

What has happened? Well, nothing really but something almost did and that something might still happen if a certain someone did not have to take a month's long time off.

I have said time and again that if I ever lost this job, I wouldn't really care cause I don't like it anyway. It's not that I don't like coding anymore so much as I hate my PM's guts; which the whole office, I'm sure, knows about. Plainly put, I think he's an idiot, a childish I-think-he-only-got-this-job-cause-of-his-connections idiot. The type where you go to him with a problem (this happened when he was still new and we didn't know what an idiot he was!) and he arranged to meet with the GM to discuss about it without even trying to solve to problem or give advice as to how I might go about it. AND in which during the said meeting, he sat there stirring a glass of quakers like a kid. But I digress ... I don't want to talk about the idiot.

I want to talk about me being possibly either retrenched or sacked.

HR Manager called me into her office to tell me that there's a position open in one of our sister companies and the company has identified me for the position. The position is good. Profit making company with mucho bonuses anticipated, no raise or hike in salary though, just sort of an internal transfer. Catch is, it's way down south. In another state. A state with two or three states in between MY state and that state. Ergo, far away. They'd pay for relocation, reimburse for when you go down to search out a place to live and for the trip back, the moving van ... yadda yadda yadda.

When do I have to begin? As soon as I say yes and all the paper work's done, which means within a week or two.

How much time do I have to think about it? Three days. "Less if possible cause I'm going for an operation on Friday", said the HR Manager. Side note: News came in Monday evening.

She then went on to hint that the company's about to go on a downsizing exercise soon.

Hmmm ... dodgy. Was she hinting that I'm about to be downsized and that I should take the offer if I still want to have a job?

Did I have any questions? I was never very good at thinking on the spot. I couldn't think of any at that moment. Needless to say, I'd probably think of some while walking back to my building or when driving back home but while I was sitting there, I couldn't think of any except ... "It's finally happened. They want to get rid of me."

I'd always thought that I would welcome this. That when they ask me to me, I'd be happy about it cause they made the decision for me. I'd been wanting to leave the company for two years but have been a) too lazy to apply for new positions and b) I really hate interviews (which kinda contributes to the a factor!). But when it actually happened, it's sort of scary.

First of all, I didn't want to move to that backwater that they're offering me so, was already anticipating the sacking or rather the VSS (Voluntary Seperation Scheme) when the downsizing exercise actually happens. I'm a cosmo girl. I need the cosmopolitan city and lifestyle; although I'm hardly a fixture in the city, living near the city, you still interact with city folks anyway.

I am prepared to bum around for a few month. In fact, I am wishing that I might be able to bum around for awhile. Maybe do some mindless job like serving coffee at one of those trendy cafes or a temp staff for events or something. But what I really wanted to do was to get a Working Holiday Visa to the UK. Then I can do those mindless jobs while in the UK and at the same time, visit the country.

Told my parents about the offer and how I do not feel like taking up the offer which might mean that I'll be out of a job soon and asked if they minded that I don't work for awhile. They thought that it was fine and told me that I should probably start looking for a job now.

I didn't dare tell them about what I really wanted to do when I'm out of a job yet but I did eventually. As predicted, I received the infamous lecture on "money wasting". The WHV wouldn't really help in accumulating money, in fact it would be the opposite. Yes. I do realise that, what's your point, mom? Then the usual flow of "we're not a rich family", "your sisters are still studying", "we need your monthly contribution - which isn't really much anyway - since we're retired and your dad's freelance jobs doesn't really bring in much" {bah!}, "you should save up for your future" ... etc etc etc. Everything that I have heard about over and over and over ... and over again. Nothing out of the usual. It was when I said that it is something that I want to do, that I have wanted to do for a long time, something that I can still do while I'm young, while I'm still relatively free of responsibility, unattached; that the unexpected happened. I never expected the "you are just like your brother. Never thinking of the family. Just wanting to do what pleases yourself while the rest of the family struggles."

Oh man! That really got to me. If I really did not think about the family, I would have been long gone. It is because that I still care what they think of me that I'm still around. That I do care that they still think of me as a daughter. That I do care that my sister still gets an education that I'm still around. That they would not starve to death without my measly monthly contribution (which they won't) - that I'm still around. I know that they have a hard time with controlling my brother and younger sister who are quite rebellious and does things that they (my parent) don't think is good for them (my rebellious sibs). Which is why when there's something that I want to do and they don't really like it, I'd try not to do it. Nothing major just small stuff like buying unnecessary things or going on a small holiday.

So, for them or rather mom to say that me wanting to do the WHV is selfish of me is quite unfair. Oh yes, she also said that I shouldn't be to westernised to want to do these things. If I am too westernised, which I probably am but not overly so, I can't help it. I've been brought up with American TV and movies, in a modernised city (modern being high rises and buildings looking much like some city in a western country), western influence left, right and center. What was I suppose to do? Ignore it? And if I was suppose to, I was never told.

... { intermission }


You're an Etch-a-Sketch!! You're the creative,
artsy type who doesn't need to actually utilize
a single muscle group in order to have fun.
Doesn't matter though, you're still cool.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

comment system change

After some testing with Blogger's new comment system. I have decided to ditch it. It was just too much hassle just to post a comment up. You'd have to sort of login in order to have you post as an actual blogger member, which will allow your name to be associated with your profile link. People without a blogger account can still post but as anonymous. I'd have a lot of (more than 1 = a lot lah!) anonymous posters then!

I like knowing who've posted. Even if you use a pseudonym. I don't care. As long as there's a certain identifier which says you're a being in this blue green planet of ours. I also like it when said beings leave a link or an email address. So that I can discover new blogs, something which I'm to lazy to go in search of.

Therefore, I'm ditching Blogger's comment system and am now on haloscan. Why didn't I go back to yaccs? I don't know. I've been using it for so long and I am quite used to the interface but somehow, everytime I comment on someone else's blog and they use haloscan, I want one of those as well.

So I checked out haloscan. They have a nice management interface. The add-in codes are also cleaner and simpler. Also, I've noticed that the page seems to load a little faster with haloscan. No thorough testing yet. Maybe in a few days I'll decide haloscan sucks and might go back to yaccs? Or maybe that application to a free webhosting site will finally come through and I can move to that version of MT with unlimitted blogs and authors. Hmmm ... maybe I should go pester that webhost.

transfer or possible retrenchment

This just in.
I've been offered transfer to a sister company. Basically doing the same thing I suppose but can't be sure until I call the EDP Manager of that company regarding the job scope. Problem is ... the position's in Johor. More precisely in Pasir Gudang!

My HR manager tells me that this is a good opportunity for me seeing that I've been in the company for awhile now (4 years!) and besides that, the company's in the red at the moment and is considering downsizing soon. Think she's telling me that cause maybe I'm in the list to be downsized? I think so.

Not being paranoid or anything but I don't get along with my PM and everyone knows it. I don't try and conceal that fact at anytime. Have even told my GM about a possibility of transfer when I found out that it's quite impossible for me to work with my idiot PM but GM told me to just try. And I did. That was over a year and a half ago. So, I don't think my being in the list will be any surprise to anyone even myself. Kinda expect it too but would rather not BE in the list. Y'know?

Anyway, much as I like the opportunity to live outside the family in a place far far away, I don't think Pasir Gudang is what I had in mind. Was hoping for a more cosmopolitan area actually. So, anyone desperate for a personnel? I think I'm going to be out of work soon. I'll gladly mail you my CV. Just leave me your email or email me! Or just tell me if I should or shouldn't take the transfer!

Error with new blogger features

I got a 553 Permission denied when I was trying to republish this blog after adding the new tags to enable Blogger's new comments feature. Man! What a failure that turned out to be. I wonder what I missed out? I've turned on the Post Pages like I was suppose to. I've turned on and placed in the new tags for comments. Pressed "Re-publish site" and voila! ERROR!

holiday and new blogger

Wow! Blogger's got a spanking new look. Not only that, it's got tons of features now as well. Comments. Individual post pages. Email-to-blog. Tres tres cool stuff. Will have to check out how to turn all those features on when I get home later tonight, or maybe tomorrow ... wait! have a meeting tomorrow. Weds then ... er, probable movie watching or gym going with the free session from F1st. Er ... Thurs after Merry Widow's rehearsal? Oh! Whatever ... hopefully sometime this week then!

Anyway, five days with no computer interaction was much fun. Went to Kuching, Sarawak over the long holiday. Quite an el cheapo holiday considering that we snapped up the cheap AA tickets months before and stayed at Jen's aunt's place most of the time save for the overnight at Bako. Although Jen made a whole itinerary of what we're to do when we're there, all plans were trashed when 'Grandma' needed to go home a day earlier and it was suddenly decided that we're no longer going to Jen's place in Sibu. I don't know why the Sibu plan was cancelled. It just was. Hmmm ... maybe I should have asked but then I was thinking "Whoa! That's a lot to do on a holiday!" when I saw her itinerary. One thing less to do is fine with me!

Highlight of the trip would be the boat ride to Bako National Park. All seven of us and the boatman in a motorised sampan heading towards open sea! I can now say that I've been to the South China Sea! The actual sea itself. Not flying over it. Not looking at it in a map. Not through a telescope from afar. I was actually on/in the sea. I touched the water. Felt the seabreeze. Saw a fish jump out of the water and back in.

Besides Bako, mostly we did lots and lots and lots of walking in town (of which by the evening I felt like chopping of my ankles cause they felt so sore and I couldn't possibly walk another step). Mostly in the same place. ... Ok. It's the Riverwalk. Seems to be the ONLY place in town. Tons of souvenir shops there so it was almost like my London experience of going in and out of shops. They have so many cool stuff. Mostly decorative items which made me think "awww ... that's so nice. Too bad I don't have a house to decorate it with." I did ask to go back to the shops on the last day though, quite out of character of me, to go get some placement mats that I thought would make a great gift. They're really nice. Quite plain but nice.

Went to the Cultural Village which costed a bomb at RM45! Quite enjoyable trip that was though I still think that was quite exhorbitant for entry. We got to see some long houses - Iban, Ulu er ... I forget. Will have to refer to my cultural village 'passport' to check what long houses I've seen. The whole village could do with more orang aslis and signage everywhere. Not enough to give any real information about anything except what long house you're in.

Also went to the museum with intention to find out why the heck the Sultan of Brunei gave the whole big land of Sarawak to some gwai lo and only kept little Brunei to himself. Sadly, that exhibit is in storage. The museum's under new management and erm ... I don't know the reason why they want to keep the exhibit. :P

can't make it out

Man! I've read this thing several times and I still can't figure out if I can reuse the codes of an existing GPL 'protected' software.

There are several classes from the phpBB codes that I'd like to reuse but I'm not sure if I'm allowed to. If I had interpreted the GPL correctly, I am allowed to change a GPL licensed software anyway I like so long as I redistribute my application under the GPL as well? Hmmm ... but I don't want to use the entire software. Just some of the generic classes that I see can be reused in my own program. If I were to write those classes again? I would just be reproducing the same functions and what would the point of that be? Why not just reuse an existing code?

But then, if I were building it for my own purpose, I wouldn't mind redistributing everything under the GPL. I'm actually thinking of using it at work.

Has anyone read the GPL? Will someone who has please explain to me if I can use some of the classes and still not have to have the resulting program placed under the GPL cause I don't think the company would be too pleased with redistributing our applications to 'freely' to the general public.

one gig worth!

Woo hoo! I never have to delete mails ever again! I'm Gmailed!

It's amazing cause I was just reading about privacy issues with Gmail in today's In-Tech insert. My thoughts on the issue is that, well if they want to scan my mails, that's fine with me, I don't have such incredibly secretive conversations with g-men that the Google people can't read about. Actually, I don't write emails to any g-men. Don't know any g-men. Hence, go ahead read my mails if you want, although why you'd like to bore yourself to tears if quite beyond me. Have fun!

However, those suing do bring out an interesting point though, although I have agreed to have my mails read, my friends, family, fans, enemies have not but their mails will be scanned as well so long as the mail them to me. Which, probably isn't fair for them. Then again, nothing coming to me is overly sensitive to any nation except my own nation in my head. Still .... not fair for them.

Ah well, we'll just see how the whole thing goes. I will have to reread the article to find out why the actually want to scan the mails in the first place.
When I can find that paper.
Darn colleague flitched it from me while I was talking to another colleague. Damn idiot says I wasn't reading it anyway!

Hello! The paper was open! I was talking for a sec! Doesn't mean I'm not going to continue! Dumbass!

not quite a star

Well, I'm finally going to be in a movie.
Not only is it going to be a movie? It's going to be a musical as well. Think Moulin Rouge ... savvy?

I'm not the lead, I'm just one of the three girls that makes up the lead's posse. In actual fact, they're still looking for the two female leads. Requirements for those leads are that they'd be able to pass off as sisters and the younger sister will need to be believeable as a drop dead gorgeous girl that all guys will literally stop whatever they're doing just to stare as she walks by.

I have a general idea of what the story is but I have not had the chance to get a copy of the script yet. I think I've read half of it last night, or at least a third of it. What came to mind when I read it?
Think Clueless.
Think 10 things I hate about you.
Think Grease.

So, the past week, I've been going over to NiA's place. They gave me a makeover for the character that I'm suppose to be. I think they went a tad too heavy on the blusher. I looked like a weird chinese doll and no matter what, I still don't think that blue eye shadow's for me. Next time I'm just going to ask for a natural palatte. Browns baby! Give me browns! Au naturale! Oui? They've sorted out most of my wardrobe, most of my stuff that I brought was quite ok but shoes are still missing. They'll have to go hunt for them. I'm not about to go buy some slipper/sandals/shoes which I'm not ever going to wear, likely ever again, just for this movie. Doesn't help that my shoe closet is close to empty if I took out all my dance shoes. I have more dance shoes that everyday shoes! *sigh* miss miss miss all those practises for competitions!

Other than that, I've learnt the main song but that's basically it. Don't think the non-production ie. the actors have been very productive so far. I haven't even gotten my script. The guys have done some scenes but the girls really have to wait till the get the leads. So I've just been sitting around, watching and waiting.

PG-13

My life is rated PG-13.
What is your life rated?

How's about a Pro standard guy for a partner?

I got this email as a result from an ad I'd posted in search of a dance partner.

Hi there, pleasure to meet you.

"I will definitely be in New York end of April beginning of May for try-outs."

My name is Ryno. I am responding to your ad about the dancing. You are looking for a male dancer. I must say that I do like your ad and it's nice to see that you love your latin dancing as much as I do. I am very interested in having a try out with you. It would be nice to perhaps meet with you.

Basically I am a Professional Latin American Dancer who lives in South Africa and I am currently the undefeated Pro Latin Show Dance Champion. I do need to stress this however, a try out costs nothing and there is nothing
so beautiful than 2 people dancing excellent together, but you know what, there is nothing that frustrates me more than dancers who "think" they are committed, dedicated or even disciplined but meantime they have no direction. There are many out there. It sounds like you know what you want and wants to get somewhere. I love that. I am extremely serious about my dancing and would not want to waste your time if we are not on the same wavelength.

I consider myself as a fun, passionate, warm and hard working person with a funny sense of humour.

Just a brief report on my dancing:
I represented South Africa in 2 World Pro Latin Championships, was selected as representative on 3 occasions for the World Show Dance Championships, came 14th in the 2001 World Show Dance in Miami, came 8th (semi-final) in the 2002 London Open Championships, best result in Blackpool Open Pro (32nd) 24th German Open, I am based in SA and compete internationally on a regular basis as I have a very supportive and loyal sponsor. My basis internationally is the Semly Studio in Norbury-London and my coaches have been so far Richard Porter, Barbara McCall, Denise Weavers, Pam McGill and Allan Fletcher. I train with the best in South Africa like Dave Campbell and Lillian Dooley. I weigh 78kg, my height is 1.82 and I am blonde and in a very very good athletic shape.

The only problem is that I cannot relocate because I run a fulltime dance studio so therefore I can offer accommodation and teaching to who thinks she is the right one. I am basically looking for a girl who can relocate but wants to dance competitions and shows.

I will send a photo to those who respond. My tel no is #######. E-mail address is: xxx@xxx.com or
xxx@xxx.com

Whoa! I'm still heady from reading that. Didn't expect a pro to answer to my ad. Actually, wasn't really expecting any replies since I did post it in an international forum ie. you won't see too many Malaysians hanging around.

Still, why in the world would an established pro be doing replying to my ad? I did specify my standard of dancing (Intermediate ie. nowhere near pro) as well as my height 1.53m. Someone who's 1.82m shouldn't be replying to someone so vastly shorter than him should he?

If I had lived in NY, would I have replied with an affirmative and try out for it? Probably not. Wouldn't want to waste his time plus I'd be overly intimidated. He's a freaking Pro for gadsakes!

Quiz

Which OS are You?

Googlism

From Googlism:

callista is a supported software application
callista is not a panacea for all issues facing the oar and uws
callista is the name of monash university student information system
callista is on the move however
callista is an oracle based software solution that services universities? student administration needs
callista is first introduced
callista is a dampiel
callista is a little of a mystery
callista is determined to sacrifice a life
callista is left to face zad
callista is a functionally and graphically rich student information system designed to meet the needs of institutions operating in the tertiary environment
callista is not simply about student records
callista is now in summer coat and this can be interesting as it is much easier to assess the type visually without hands on
callista is determined not to wed the despicable fowler but fears that by refusing him her father?s political future will be jeopardized
callista is by far an odd individual
callista is australia's leading higher education software developer
callista is
callista is the name of qut's new student information system
callista is not intended to be the primary source of information relating to a student?s research candidature details outside of a normal
callista is mortally wounded as she attempts to shut down the automatic
callista is really wet
callista is similar to the acol time
callista is by far the more comprehensive student system i've worked on yet
callista is a two bedroom house which comfortably sleeps six people and is within very easy walking distance of the town center
callista is the source for syntellect products in canada
callista is their
callista is a character belonging to my friend laurie
callista is fanart from the show swat kats
callista is a rule driven system and as such if a school decides that prerequisites are a mandatory requirement of the course progression
callista is the name of the university of canberra?s new student information system
callista is a really stupid person
callista is in this story
callista is a calendar driven system that accommodates virtually any course or student schedule
callista is a trademark of deakin software services
callista is an arresting picture
callista is very well
callista is 12 and she lives half the week with her other mom
callista is proud of its progress in recent months
callista is a very affectionate senior who deserves a good home with people who will love her and never "toss" her out again
callista is now set to dominate the world
callista is a fully integrated student information system with a flexible architecture that has the power to handle the changing needs of higher education
callista is a 999
callista is nothing more than your typical "eastern girl
callista is spanish and means
callista is an opportunity to embrace a new age modern lifestyle
callista is designed with the theme of sophistication within simplicity
callista is a "local supplier with a strong reputation and willingness to invest in the development of high
callista is made of mohair and fully jointed
callista is teasing soryn as usual
callista is especially happy
callista is one of the fairies you might have seen flitting about through the flowers
callista is needed as keeper
callista is 42? of open
callista is on the scene
callista is a beauty unknown to most
callista is dead
callista is…was more powerful than i suppose the apprentice was
callista is the highest priority at the moment
callista is capable of managing multiple concurrent teaching periods via a
callista is made from
callista is sucking on a lollypop
callista is obsessed with star wars and rides her bike every where and is fun too hang out with and says "oh my
callista is a direct cutover
callista is unknown
callista is a human bard
callista is 4'8" tall and weighs 85 lbs
callista is already record hotmail type address for some new students and this unannounced change has cause big problems with the scripts
callista is back; nimrod is back and scully ends up really pissed off at mulder
callista is an albino female born around 1 sep 98
callista is greek for "most beautiful"
callista is a jedi in the fullest sense
callista is trying to find a way out of the marriage her father has arranged with lt
callista is the student record system; concept is the hr system
callista is about a non
callista is © christina godek and not you
callista is now alive again and free to love luke skywalker
callista is a
callista is within the computer of the dreadnaught as a result of giving her life to stop the ship once before
callista is in her second year here at ibc
callista is a registered trademark of the callista group limited copyright © 2000 the callista group limited
callista is a slut; mamoru
callista is the typical
callista is dying
callista is a jedi padawan who comes to us from the force academy
callista is in prison on the charge of christianity; i was in a sort of prison myself
callista is smiling a sickly sweet smile>
callista is currently being reviewed
callista is a fictional character in the star wars universe
callista is some wizard on sw2

the exhibitionist

Last Friday, yes the same Friday of the accident, I got an email from Shafina of dailyMalaysia.org asked me if I would like to do this week's installment of the dailyMalaysia project. Said yes naturally since the project is based on volunteers who've submitted a request to be included in the project. My request was submitted weeks ago. Actually, it was submitted almost as soon as I found out about the project which was two to three weeks into the project.

Anyway, this time, there's also this mini-exhibition that's going to go on at the end of this week and Shafina said that my entries will be included if I agree to do this week's dailyMalaysia.org. Hmmm ... me thought "... but my stuff is not good enough for exhibition." And then I thought again, " ... but this exhibition is about the dailyMalaysia project ie. of photos by everyday people." So I thought, "what the heck. Just do it!"

So, Shafina's gonna make one postcard each of 3 entries from her weekly contributors, place them up with a note card and visitors can take whichever postcard they like but will have to write down why they took the postcard.

Hmmm ... so when I go to the event, will my postcards still be there? Will my pictures be the only ones left untaken? I think I will feel a sense of dissappointment if they weren't. I know they're crap but still. Y'know?

I'll head for the event after the opera viewing. Peter's having a showing of Baz Luhrman's version of La Boheme at his studio. That should be interesting; the movie I meant, not the gathering at Peter's. Email Janet if she wanted to go with me but nothing from her yet. Why Janet? Cause she's a picture taking madwoman as well. :P Anyone else wanna go with me?

Oh yeah, Z, hope you don't mind me using your daughter's picture! I'll give you royalties when I get famous. ;)

Bad driver

I had an accident while driving home from work on Friday.
Don't want to talk about it.
They say it's my fault and wrote me a fine.
I say it's the bad road signs. They laughed!
My car's out of commission for awhile. Back to old trusty benjy for the duration.
'nuff said.

When you see me on the road, just get off it or stop if you don't want anything to happen to your car.
I don't want to be at fault again!

Searching for a partner

Couples going through their steps. Recalling, practising, perfecting their routine. The cha cha music playing is not always significant to them as they go through their steps. Some doing the cha cha, some doing the samba and even some doing the waltz. All this while the cha cha music plays on. Not everyone is practising for a competition. Some just going through steps they've just learnt in class but as I sat there watching, a wave of sadness floated in.

Sad that I'm not one of them.
Sad that I don't have a routine to perfect.
Sad that I do not have a partner to practise with.
Sad that I'm not part of a competitive couple anymore.

I miss it.

My search for a new partner have been extremely unfruitful. My occasional request to my teacher for a partner also zip as he does not have any male students who are interested. Male dance partners are a rare breed. I did receive a phone call last year from a guy called Hudson who was also looking for a partner; think I got him through POng though I'm not 100% sure. Met up with him for a chat and that was as far as it went. I am not sure if he ever found a partner but it shouldn't be as difficult for a guy with the abundance of girls like me on the lookout. Next potential came from a posting I made in a Singaporean dance site. That came to nothing as well as his partner, whom he thought was going to stay in the UK for awhile, came back. So, he's practising with his partner now.

So, I've begun my search anew. Except through postings at websites, I don't know how else I am suppose to be going about this. I have been assured by a teacher at a rival group of schools that if I went to his place, I will have a partner as he has some students who are on the lookout. Will I have to change camp now, just so I'll have a partner? This other school, when they have their competitions, they're mostly out of state. The main reason that I have not jumped at the chance.

*sigh* Where are all the male latin dancers?

Paging for male latin dancers. One female latin dancer on the lookout for potential partner for competitions. Email me if you are out there!