Tuesday, June 01, 2004

post dated rant < continued >

... alright then, continuation of previous rant.

Right, where was I?

Oh yes! The recorded lecturing and the unfairness of it all. The little ditty sang by the grasshopper seems to come to mind at the moment. Y'know the one that goes 'Oh! The world owes me a living. Ta di da di, ta di da di da.'

Anyway, what I wanted to say, from all that ranting was this. I think I need to live for my own. That is, to do things that I want to do and not to always live for the future. If you're consistently doing things for the unknown future, you don't live in the now. You don't enjoy the now. You just work, work and work FOR the future. What if the future never comes? What then? What would you say your life have been like? You wouldn't have lived it yet cause you were planning on 'living' in the future. Well, then it's too bad isn't it? You've missed your chance. Now it's too late. What good is the future to you then, huh?

If I do not live for myself now? When else would I have the chance? I don't have a family to support (not referring to my parents, my family as in my husband and kids, if any), not currently attached to anyone in anyway, so this would be the best time for me to experience life wouldn't it? Options tends to get limitted once the ball and chain gets into the picture.

*sigh* If I really do decide to be selfish, would they really 'disown' me? I don't think so but I think they'd be really angry and would harp about my selfish decision for the rest of my life. On the other hand, I would always kick myself on always listening to my parents and not standing up for things that I want to do. Spineless person, me! Ugh! I need to learn to stand up for myself and not care about doing things that my parents don't like soon! I mean soon! C'mon girlie! You're no spring chicken no more! Can't always kow-tow to them! Urgh! I hate weak me!

Alright, back to the original matter that caused all this. The transfer.

I've rejected the offer. Somehow, I just can't imagine myself there. At backwater somewhere. I would be so bored that I could probably actually start reading the programming books that I've bought but haven't had the time to explore. Might actually be surfing the net for information that would actually teach me more about things that I need to know for my job. In other words, I could actually turn into a geek. Which is a good thing, sorta. I'm a geek wannabe who's too lazy to actually study the stuff that I need to actually become a geek. So, I could actually turn out to be the type of people I listen whenever they speak cause they actually know what they're talking about. But I did not want to sacrifice my social life. I like my all my friends and the activities that we do to much to become a bona fide geek. The trade-off just isn't worth it, I think.

So, I've rejected the offer and the HR Manager asked if I'd be open to other types of jobs, jobs that are not IT related ... in other words, jobs that I'm not qualified for lah! I said sure to keep my options open.

She found me an opening within a few hours. Another sister company. In sales. I hate sales! but I didn't tell her that. Just went and met with one of the Managers of that company which is housed within our main office. Don't think I made a good impression as I kept saying that I've never done sales and what I've been doing so far has always been development.

I don't know what's going on with that option as the HR Manager left for surgery the next day and will be away for a whole month. I will reject that offer as well should they decide to offer me the position.

As they seem so desperate to get me out of my current company, I would not be surprised if they decide to fire me in the end. I am after all ... excess personnel.

I will gladly leave. I'll have a reason to bum around.

... at least as long as the money holds up.

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