I love musicals.
I really cannot recall what influenced me in the first place. Nobody else at home listens to it. My friends way-back-then don't listen to it. So it's sort of a puzzle to me how I came about them and how I've come to love them so.
More than anything, besides listening and watching them, I would love to be in one.
From my older postings about my various attempts at audition, you would know that I don't audition well. Plus, a musical production here is few and far between, which is why I've been in more opera productions than musicals. In the previous two musical auditions, I didn't get them. The first cited schedule incompatibility and the second ... well, the second, I was just total crap. Monologue was involved and I don't know how to do that.
This third time, the audition went moderately well. I was out of pitch, and I knew it as soon as I sang it, which is bad, and made even worse when the auditioner, mentions it and started plonking on the piano. Must say, aside from the slight off-pitch, I felt that I was more relaxed singing this time than at my other auditions. I think I was quite clear and projected well enough without too much of the vibrato that seems to appear whenever I'm nervous. So, I guess, that's an improvement. Later the auditioner told me to stay back and then asked me to go to her house for a session. Little did I know that this was strike one!
Strike two was entirely my fault. The session at the auditioner's was three days after the audition. I should have spent the two days before the session preparing for it but I didn't. In fact, I didn't even know what song I wanted to do until the night before. Since she doesn't mind us looking at sheet music when we sang, that made me even lazier. Also, I've never really practised for auditions. I actually don't know how to do that. I'm singing all the time anyway so I took that as having practised. Guess it has to be more concentrated than that!
Anyway, during the session, she briefed us on what she's trying to achieve, what the sessions are for and what the musical is about. It all sounded terribly interesting and experimental. It would be interesting in seeing what comes out of it all. Then she made us, there were three of us in that session, sing two songs. The first was four lines of Is You Is Or Is You Ain't, My Baby and the second was Audrey II's song Mean Green Monster from Outer Space from the musical Little Shop of Horrors. After that, we each did the song we've 'prepared'. I did badly, my pitch was everywhere and was holding back my voice and as the song went, it went worse and worse as I hear myself sounding worse and worse which made me sing even worse. Should have just sung one of those songs that I sing all the time instead of selecting something new cause she wanted variety in the pieces she asked us to prepare. After that, we arranged for our next session. Mine was the week after while the other two were in December?
Why I didn't think that odd, I didn't know. I just didn't question it. Only thought that it was because I could make it.
This morning was the second session.
There were more people this time, eight, I think, including some local celebrities. It was their first session with her except me and one other person. There was no briefing and we started directly with Is You Is Or Is You Ain't, My Baby. She gave out scores this time and we did the whole song. As well as we could do for that song in one session anyway. We did some exercises to improve timing and tried a voice wobbling exercise. I had trouble doing the wobbling exercise. I couldn't do it when I came my turn to try it. The wobbling was fine when I tried it softly on my own while we were all experimenting on how to produce it but when it came my turn to do it, I just lost it. It just wouldn't wobble.
We took a break after that and did Mean Green Monster from Outer Space when we came back. It was a blast even though I didn't get all the timing and notes right. Something which I've been fretting about.
Something which I shouldn't have fretted about at all if I had known what was about to happen.
She told a few of us to stay back at the end of the session. Then asked me and another person to go with her to her office. Where she laid it on us.
She told us that the musical is going in one tangent while we were heading towards a different tangent. She said that she would not like to waste our next 6 months and then telling us that we do not fit in the picture. I asked her how am I swinging off her tangent and she says that the musical requires a more experimental sound and that I am more to-the-score. She said we had lovely voices, which is why we were there in the first place and if she was doing some other musical, something not so experimental, she would have loved to have us in the process.
I didn't know what to say. I was sad that I'm not suitable and I even told her "I'm sad but *shrugs*" and thanked her.
I wanted to say, "I don't mind wasting that 6 months. I don't mind trying and then finding out at the end of the 6 months. You might find that I'm suitable after all. I thought you wanted it to the score which is why I tried getting all the notes and timing, not that I got it correctly anyway but I knew I hit them more that the others today did."
I wanted to but I didn't. I didn't dare. How do you wedge yourself through a door that's closing in your face?
*sigh* A dream almost came true.