wasted opportunity

Empress, you're a sap!

Everytime someone gives you the chance to stand out, to audition for a solo, you decline. And yet, whenever there's an audition, you'd go. What's the deal with that?

Mr. Liau was looking for a shepeard boy last night. His original shepeard boy was a no show so he was auditioning the girls to look for possible replacements.

He auditioned the whole first row - the altos and sopranos one - but didn't audition the second row girls - the sopranos two - which I'm in. Someone pointed that out and he then pointed at me to audition. As usual, I didn't my "No lah. Don't want lah." routine and pointed to another girl.

Why do I do that?

I know that I'm not trained like most of them in the room is but if they took me into the chorus, that would mean I can at least carry a tune right? So, why do I lack the confidence to try something more than blending in the chorus? I know the worse that would happen was that I'd go out of tune and him not picking me for the part but so what? At least I can say I've tried.

But no. I didn't even try.

I wish I have someone to slap me on the head everytime I do something this stupid. Someone to say 'Just do it you dumb ass.'

Must look for Suzan about the book she has about crystals. She says there's a stone available for confidence boosting. The stones probably don't work and it's probably all psychology but if psychology works, to me, that's just the same as the stones working anyway cause without the stones, I wouldn't be psychologically psyched, right?

C'mon. Someone give me a good whack on the head for my stupidity.