Thursday, December 27, 2001

Was going to blog yesterday before heading for bed but blogger was down. Stupid crackers. Leave blogger alone!

Everything seems to be down for me these few days. Couldn't log into Yahoo! Messenger yesterday and I still can't today. I don't know what is wrong with it. Able to retrieve Yahoo! Mail fine. They use they same login information so I don't understand why I can't use Messenger.

Embarassing moment yesterday morning. Got to work. Parked my car and as I was walking towards my yellow office building, a guy went, "Psst! Psst! Excuse me miss but your zip's open."

Ooops! Luckily, he wasn't a colleague. Would have been even more embarassing if it had.

Work was boring.

After work, had coffee with this guy I met at the choir AGM. I think he's interested. I'm not though. I usually don't mind going out for coffee with people after I've determined that they're not psycho ... a friendly coffee that is. No ulterior motives. I'm not good at these things. When someone asks you if you'd like to have coffee, if you answer yes, does it automatically indicate that you're interested? I just assumed that you'd like to have coffee and a bit of a chat. Nothing more. Is that too naive of me?

Plus, is there a polite way of saying no when a guy/girl asked 'Would you like to watch a movie?' or was it more like 'Do you watch movies?' Well, I just kinda stuttered a reply towards the negative. I really don't know how to reply to that question. Saying 'yes I'd like to watch a movie, ...' or 'yes I do watch movies, ...' and end it with ' ... but not with you' just seems a bit harsh. So, is there a polite way of rejecting an invitation like that?

I had a conversation with Mogan and my sis the other day over dinner about something like this. Mogan's wondering about his situation with this girl that he's interested in. They were suppose to meet up for dinner, supposedly just as friends but of course, Mogan likes her and would like to be more than that. She's been postponing the dinner with some excuse or another. Mogans wondering if she's trying to avoid him. He's told her that he's cool if she's not interested in him but she has to tell him that she isn't interested.

For me, if a guy that I'm not interested in asked me out and I know he's interested in more than friendship, I'd just make up some excuse and decline. Hoping that after several times of this invite-decline, that they'll get it and leave me alone. However, if they get the courage enough to ask to be more than friends, I'd tell them that I'm not interested and that all I can offer them is friendship. If they accept that and don't press the issue, I'd be cool to hang out with them. I hang out with guys all the time. Be it solo or in a group. All are welcome as friends.

Just think that there needs to be a certain amount of attraction from my side as well for someone to be my boyfriend. A person might be nice and all but if I'm not attracted to them, what can I do but remain friends? I usually go for looks but I know a guy who some says is quite good looking and I do agree and he's interested ... I think. BUT ... when I hang out with him, I'm not comfortable. There's something about him that I don't like. Can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe it's the cigarette. Maybe it's his attitude. It could be anything or nothing but I just don't feel like I'd like him as a boyfriend. So, I've been doing my evasion routine.

Maybe I'm just setting my standards too high. Shouldn't be so picky. Mom's advise is 'to get a guy who loves you more than you do him.' Sound enough although not particularly romantic is it?

People wonder why I don't have a boyfriend at the grand old age of 24. All I can say is that I don't feel that I'm ready for a relationship. I don't feel mature enough. I don't want to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. I want to be in one cause it feels right. Whatever right is.

Idealistic romantic stuff that's probably not possible in the real world ... but it could happen.

A girl can dream.

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