Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Queen of Gossip

Remember [in the movie You've Got Mail] the time Meg Ryan's character, Kathleen, finally managed a retort to whatever Tom Hank's character, Joe, was saying while she was waiting to meet her email pen-pal at the restaurant? Remember how she felt after that? Thrilled at having been able to finally done it but then really disturbed at going against her ooey-gooey nice personality and be mean to someone?

Well, I'm kinda having that feeling but nothing as major as how she felt, I suspect. Just a really mild case.

I told someone (lets call him K), someone that I don't really know, well actually, I've only met that someone once, about something I've heard about a 'friend' of mine. I call him my 'friend' (let's call him G) but I'm not entirely sure how to categorise him as we don't actually hang out or anything but we do belong to the same club.

That something which I told K was that I heard that G is an absolute unfaithfull asshole of a boyfriend. How did I come about that information? From G's ex-girlfriend (she's L) who's also a friend of mine, who G told her while they were going out that I was a bitch and wouldn't advise her to befriend me when she told her she thought I was cool. This was at a time when I thought G and I was on friendly terms. That mother-fucking backstabber!

Why would I tell K about G? Because G is now dating C who's a colleague of K. I thought that if it's true that G is the mother-fucking-asshole that he is, then C should have a heads up on it. Also, from my observations of G and from what L told me and from how some of his 'best friends' have turned away from him, those kinda present a strong case against G. I deduction might be wrong and L might have just been a vengeful ex and therefore, for me to believe her would make me a bad friend. Added to that, for me to spread the information to K whom I don't even know that well, makes me doubly bad.

G called me the other day to confirm if I did tell K about him and I said yes. I see no reason to deny something when it's a fact -- unless it's for a punishable crime, of which I would then deny all claims! He accussedsaid that I was not being fair as I never did ask for his side of the story and my conclusions were all made from L's point of view. I told him that yes I was but then it was not just from what L told me, it was also from what I've observed and the actions of others who were his friends. He went on trying to trying to justify himself while intermittedly sprinkling "I'm not trying to justify myself" in between sentences.

The whole phone conversation was terribly awkard. I'm not used to these issues. I try to steer clear of these things usually. I don't have experience to deal with issues such as these. My side of the conversation was pretty quiet after my explaining to him why I did what I did and also to explain to him why L have cut loose of any contact with him. I mean, what else am I to say? I've already explained myself, there's nothing more to be said. So silence was my only option. I wanted several time to say "sorry but there's nothing else that I want to say to you. Goodbye." and put down the phone but that seems a bit rude cause he was still trying not to justify himself, so I didn't. When he stopped, I was still silent. He was silent. Was there a polite way to end this conversation? Very awkard.

I don't know where I'm going with this.

He asked me if I thought what I did was right. I said yes.
I said yes then but after I hung up, I started to doubt myself.
I began to think it was unfair of me to tell K about G. What concern of mine was this matter? None.
It was bad of me to turn/backstab my friend this way.
It was shit of me to be such a hypocrite. To dislike people who stabs people on their back and then turn around and be the one who's doing the backstabbing.

People, I'm basically a sucky person. Why I still have friends is a wonder to me.

To all my friends, thanks for still being my friend. If I ever backstab you, I'm sorry.

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