Wednesday, June 19, 2002

Things You Would Never Know Without Indian Movies

1. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to cleanse his wounds.

2. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

3. The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine(vice versa) unless they first perform a dance number in the rain.

4. Once applied, make-up is permanent, in rain or in any other situation.

5. A large group of goondoos can be shooting at the hero, but he will never be hit, unless of course he is attempting to save the heroine.

6. Enemies shooting the hero will always miss but every shot the hero takes from his small revolver will kill an opponent.

7. Two lovers can be dancing in the field and out of nowhere, 100 people will appear from god-knows-where and joins them in the dance.

8. The heroine will have time to change outfits several times in one song, however short the song will be.

9. If the hero start dancing in a field, everyone you bump into will know all the steps, and will be wearing coordinated outfits.

10. It does not matter if the hero is heavily outnumbered in a martial arts fighting - the enemies will wait patiently to attack him one by one by moving around in a threatening manner until he has knocked out his current opponent then the next one will follow up.

11. In the final scene, the hero will discover that the bad guy who he is up against is actually his brother and the maid who looked after him is his mother and the chief inspector is his father and the Judge is his uncle and so forth.

12. Key English words used in the movie (usually said out loud between sentences) are no problem! My God!, Get Out! Shut-up! Impossible!, Please forgive me!

Things You Would Never Know Without Chinese Swordsman Movies

1. Being the hero's parents will always be unlucky and will usually be killed by enemies when the hero is young, and the hero will become an orphan.

2. When a man is wounded and dying, he always manage to catch his breath and speak a few sentences to reveal the killer before dropping his head and declare dead.

3. When an old man is dying after being attacked by villains, while lying down he will ask the hero (kneeling beside him) to take care of his beautiful daughter (who will be crying).

4. When fighting with the enemy, instead of hitting each other, the villain and the hero will choose to hit each other's palm and stone there for sometime before pushing each other away..... and one of them will spill blood out of his mouth

5. Skilled people are able to fly over roof tops, up trees and across distances without any sweat. But when travelling to towns and villages, they still have to walk or ride horses.

6. When saying goodbye to other skilled fighters, they will cover their right fist with their left palm and jumping out of camera screen (assuming you know they actually fly off into the sky).

7. The heroes need not have to work for money, but will always have golds and silvers with them to pay for their dishes.

8. The inn is such an up-to-date information-centre that when having lunch at the inn, you can always overhear gossips of latest news on what's happening in the pugilistic-world. And usually the gossips come from a few goons at the next table.

9. Assassins seem to have some kind of agency for employments - they always wear the same standard uniform, black cloth all over revealing only the eyes.

10. The heroes and villains will meet each other very often no matter how big the country is and no matter where they are.

11. It's easy to immobilize someone - just touch someone with your fore finger and middle finger anywhere on his body and he will not move... but he still can curse and swear.

12. To cure an immobilization, just anyhow tap your fingers all over his body again.

13. Healing internal wounds in the body is as easy as sitting down cross-legged, palms on the knees and smoke coming out from the head.

14. People like to pass short messages on paper with flying darts to show off their darting skills.

15. When committing suicide, people are so lazy that they choose to hit the forehead with their own palm.

16. The villains have some kind of strange habit that they like to stay in a secret underground compartment just behind the walls of their room....usually opened up by turning a small statue.

17. When chasing someone, people tend to shout at the runner and order him to if he will obey.

18. Nobel's invention of explosives in 1866 is in fact useless. Highly skilled people in the pugilistic world during ancient times already know how to cause explosions with bare hands.

19. Highly skilled villains have the power to destroy rocks, but do not have the power to kill the hero.

20. Two highly skilled person are so nervous in their duel that they keep talking and criticizing each other before they actually start the fight.

21. People in the pugilistic world are so free that they don't have to work. They attend gatherings, meetings everytime and nose around other people's matter.

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