Back to work

After a hectic month of April, it's back to the office and work.

What happened in April?
The culmination of four months worth of almost nightly rehearsal, save Mondays, went moderately well. Most audiences members asked (opinions might be biased due relationship between people asked and cast members) said they enjoyed the show. One guy mentioned and I quote "I was prepared to fall asleep in my chair." but he didn't so that's a plus. The same guy is not a regular nor a familiar of theatre productions and therefore is good in a way as he wasn't comparing the show with the more professional (read: foreign) productions of similar type.

A few hours after the cast party, held after the final show, is the dance competition. Extremely exhausted, dress not as completely decorated as desired (big thank you to mom for staying up the whole night decorating it) and lacking practise, I arrived too late for the practise session. Not that it would have mattered as my partner lost his way.

We managed to marked through the routine on the sidelines before the competition proper began. Then I settled down with two plastic chairs and had some shut eyes. My category is scheduled at two hours after the start of competition.

Altogether, we danced three rounds; heats, semi-finals and finals. Never in any of the rounds did we ever get our routines correct. LOL There's always some screw up somewhere or rather. Oh well. We did our best and our best was a third position. Hurrah! We got on the podium. Not bad for a tired, hungry (did I mention I didn't have breakfast and lunch was a sad excuse of moldy Ramli burger?) and lack of practise pair.

Hope well do better the next time round.

The Psychology of Color - According to Dr. Max Luscher

PROBLEM UNDERLYING THE PRESENT STRESS -- Greatly impressed by the unique, by originality and by individuals of outstanding characteristics. Tries to emulate the characteristics he admires and to display originality in his own personality.
DESIRED OBJECTIVE -- Wants to make a favorable impression and be regarded as a special personality. Is therefore constantly on the watch to see whether he is succeeding in this and others are reacting to him -- this makes him feel that he is in control. Uses tactics cleverly in order to obtain influence and special recognition. Susceptible to esthetic or original.

CURRENT INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR -- Circumstances are such that he feels forced to compromise for the time being if he is to avoid being cut off from affection or from full participation.

Tested from http://www.viewzone.com/luscher.html

Update

What can I say? Have been lazy. Have been busy.

Don't think being busy is a good excuse for not blogging but I think laziness is. It does take some amount of effort to put up a post doesn't it? To turn on the PC, open up the browser, key in the url, login, think up things to say (the hardest part!) ... *phew* ... so much effort for something so bodoh. :P

Ah ... well ... it's fun sometimes ;)

Updates!

• went for a beach cleanup about three weeks ago at Rantau Abang. It was excellent. Went kayakking for almost an hour. Then had more time to spare, went for almost another hour. The beach is amazing! The sea looks so blue-green -- like in a brochure -- and the sand quite soft. At night, some of us slept at the beach under the stars and when you lie down and look up, all you can see is the sky. I have never seen such a huge night sky so choke full of stars. Oh ya! There were lots of junks at the beach as well. Not near the water but at the area where the sand meets grasses and trees. Glass, plastic, rubber, miscellaneous junks, all accounted for. We got a whole truck load. I have some pictures here.
  



• work's been slowly progressing. The last evaluation for the organisation giving the grant was on Monday, therefore that part is over and I'm not quite sure where we stand. Something about placing the idea into an ideas bank. Whatever it is, my friend's going to go on with the application so I'm still fixing stuff. So far, we've had a demo for a telco and an advertising agency (wow! their office is gorgeous!).
  
  I'm having problems getting my application to redirect to HTTPS. If anyone has any clue on how to do this, please contact me. Language used => Java. There's two versions, the servlet version uses URLConnection while the proxy version uses Socket.
  



• car got into an accident on Saturday. This time I swear I am not at fault. I was stopped in the middle of a traffic light queue, even my handbrake was engaged. Patiently (sic) waiting for the light to change, I was suddenly hit from the back. The car jerked to the front and hit the car in front. The back was a Honda Accord(?) and the front was a ... er ... I know it's a 4-wheel drive but am not entire positive that it's a Kembara(?). I was sandwiched. The Honda has a few scratched on it's bumper. Not much damage to the Kembara either maybe a few scratches. Was there a broken light? Maybe. But my poor li'l Kelisa. It almost looked like a Juara, all boxed up (dramatized). The back was dented. The front was dented but even worse than the back. Luckily, I don't think there was any damage to the internal parts ie. engine et al. Could still start the car. Baby's in the workshop now.
  



• 21 days to opening night. Don't think I have mentioned anything about the production I've been rehearsing for, for the past few months. Yes, I have things to bitch about the rehearsals; when have I never eh? Well ... lets just say I'm not happy with many aspects of the production. [*sigh* so lame but I've resolved not to express my opinions on these sort of things as some parties might be overly sensitive about it. If there are any proponents to my bitching about these sorta things; ie. like those that I have done previously, do tell me in the comments so that other people know that I have 'consent'?]
  
  After so many months of rehearsals, I feel that I'm still ill prepared for openning night. AND ... I don't think that feeling will end even after the show has!
  



• Next latin competition coming up on May Day!
  : Costume status -> undone. Haven't gone to the tailor's, haven't bought the cloth. I'm so dead! Design? I like Carmen's costume in Blackpool 2001 but it's long and me being short, I don't think I should get a long dress. But I like the top. I really really like Beata's dress back in 2000 but I wouldn't dare trying it. Still not toned enough for it. She has a black version as well. In the end, I think I'm going to make something like Katarina Venturini's Blackpool 2001 dress. It's kinda like Carmen's but the skirt's till the knees with a front-side slit almost up to the waist.
  : Routine status -> [cha cha] has it's good days but still not very 'together'. Also, can't figure out what arm movements to put in. *urgh* [jive] finished choreography two lessons ago. Many parts still kelam-kabut.
  

Announcement
I've been told by technoLAHgist to announce an upcoming blog meet. Tentatively scheduled for April 19. Hmmm ... just realised it's the day after Joi Ito's scheduled for KL. Venue -> TBC.

Vanity Fair

There hasn't been much hype about this movie at all. Not surprising though. Period movies like these, eg. Emma, Sense and Sensibility, only appeals to a select group of people; usually of the feminine persuasion. No blood and gore or super fancy action stunt in the trailer (which usually shows all the good bits for those movies) to pull in the macho men. Instead, it's a movie with a lot of talking. It's a 'talkie'.

Hmmm ... did I like the movie?

Well, it is not very memorable. Unlike what I felt after watching Patricia Rozema's version of Mansfield's Park, like I had to run out and get another ticket to re-watch it, this one left me with nothing.

It was a nice movie. A tad draggy and yet I felt that some scenes or rather some period of Becky Sharp's life was somehow too compressed and not fully explored. Especially her encounter with the collector of her father's works, The Marquess of Steyne. It seems quite out of character that she was so easily outplayed by the Marquess after she had so skillfully manipulated everyone else up to that point. How is it that the Marquess have the power to intimidate her? Sure, he bailed her out of debt but that somehow, doesn't seem a strong enough reason, at least to me, for somebody who has relied on her strength and cunning to get as far as she has, to suddenly feel so inferior/weak next to him.

Also, the main plot of the movie, her need to better her lot in life, to be up there with the best of the aristos. What is her driving force? I do not see it. What has given her such determination? I have read enough drivel to understand that there is always someone from the lower class who has the determination to better themselves but usually, there is always a reason or an event which have promted them to action. I could not see this in Becky and I think this weakens the whole plot and the appeal of the movie for me. The 'but why'? But why is she doing this? But why does she want that? Why? Why? Why?

So ...

I did not like the pacing.
There are too many holes in the story.
Too many things unexplained.
The series of events and emotions did not flow smoothly enough.

... It was nice. Not good.

Would I go out and look for a copy of it? Probably ... I'm a sucker for period movies. Love the costumes and the protocols and such. When women were women and men were men ... at least, it is; for the upper class and the weathy merchants.

baldilocks

Hmmm ... quite an oxymoronic title don't you think? I mean, how can you be bald and still have locks? Am I interpreting the word oxymoron correctly? I never use it. Only sorta know what it means but am not 100% sure.

Anyway, the past week, I've noticed that my hair seems to be falling at an alarming rate. Not the usual amount that you find on your hairbrush after a brushing. Not the few you find hanging between the holes on the drain of the shower floor after a wash. This is a lot! My brush is covered with hair. The drain's almost clogged. I can feel my head feeling lighter and I see hair on my bedroom floor all the time!

I'm beginning to get a little worried and when I mentioned it to my mom, she said she had wanted to mention it to me; which means that even she noticed there were excessive hair loss. Excessive, more that usual, NOT excessive I'm-having-chemo excessivelah.

Thinking about what I had been doing differently the past week, the only addition to my usual routine is the coffee. My brother just bought 4 bottles of Nescafe and my sis and I are having cuppas everday. Three teaspoons of coffee, one and a little bit of sugar and a generous amout of coffeemate. So, could my hairloss actually be attributed to caffein intake? It is not as if I'm not a regular coffee drinker. Back when I was at the office, I almost always had coffee during teabreak. Of course, I haven't had the daily dose since I've begun working at home but I did not encountered any hairloss during that time, so why now? I don't think I'm feeling any additional stress recently (of course, I can't speak for my subconscious so I don't know if I'm subconsciously stressed out) nor have I started any new routine, although I should be starting a regular walking routine at least! This fat arse is getting fatter and fatter as I type. So in conclusion, it's the coffee.

Started my first day of staying off coffee to see if anything changes. I'll give it a fortnight to see if there's any change. Hopefully by then I'll still have hair on my head else it would be too late to take my friends' advice to check it with the doc.

Pray for me.

Personality test

If there had been personality tests at school, do you think you would have chosen what you've chosen to major or your line of work? Do you think it would have made a difference?

Here's my result:

Your Dominant Intelligence is Bodily-Kinesthetic Intelligence

You are naturally athletic and coordinated, good at making your mind and body work together. Sports are fun and easy for you, especially those requiring good hand - eye coordination. There's also a good chance you're a great dancer, or good at expressing yourself through body language. You learn best by doing, and you feel like you've always got to be moving (even if it's just your hands). You would make a good athlete, physical education teaches, dancer, actor, firefighter, or artisan.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Brilliant! Wouldn't mind being anyone of those things suggested ... except maybe 'actor'. I can't act. I can see how a scene should be done or at least how I think it should be done but I, personally, can't do it.

I don't think it would have made a difference for me. All the suggested career path doesn't seem to be in the 'financially sound' job category. Perhaps the 'teacher' bit might interest my mom though. She's always telling me learn your English and learn your piano so you can teach them. Regardless to the fact that a) I'm not a patient person and don't think I can handle screaming kids, b) piano doesn't come naturally to me. During the years and years of lessons, I need to be forced to practise and there's not touch to my playing. ie. no bloody good! c) my grammar sucks. I kept getting vt mistakes in my essays from Ms. Stucken during Grade 12 English and I never knew how to correct it. It would help if I had asked what the mistake meant and how I was to correct them but ... I didn't.

So yeah! That's out! The only teaching I ever considered was to teach ballet but she made me quit. You were never really good anyway. Have I repeated that many times? Well, if I did, it's because it's a sour point for me. I'm not Margot Fonteyn but I was good. :P

pressies

December is the best time of the year! ... just paraphrasing one of the Christmas tunes we sang in one of the choir's concert a couple years back.

December's when I get presents! Yay pressies! Birthday pressies! Christmas pressies! Pressies! Pressies!

So, what did I get this year? Hmmm ... lots of liquid containers. Two mugs, a glass, and a water bottle (dang! I forget what those bottles are called!). Am I looking dehydrated? Also, lots of accessories. This one's definitely a hint about my lack of accessorising. :D

Thanks everyone!!! Lovely lovely presents!

Broken toys?!

My toys might be broken.

I sent two rolls of films to be developed and both rolls came out blank. One's the first B&W test roll from the Holga and the second's from the Cybersampler.

There could be two possibilities:

1. the films got exposed in the long period of time that it was in my little white backpack. I think it's been there for a few months. Can't even remember when I took them out of the camera.
2. the films got exposed when I took it out of the camera. This might be applicable only to the Holga though, since the Cybersampler is just a P&S where the film rolls nicely back into the cannister after you've rewounded it.
3. the films got sick of tired of sitting in the camera waiting for me to finish them and decided to expose themselves; just to teach me a lesson!

Urgh! Ok ok ... so, I'm not the world's greatest photographer, I'm not even a good photographer. I just like the cameras. :D

Hopefully they're not broken. :( Will bring the Holga out for a walk tomorrow and finish the roll that's in there.

Please work!

Should but didn't

There are times when there are events where I should have blogged about but don't. It seems that I only blog when my temper flares and in doing so, tend to raise the tempers of others as well. Ah well ... such is the way of bitch blogs.

Anyway, I should have wrote that I won a competition on Sunday.

It was a latin dance competition. Yeah, I finally found a partner. It was this guy from my ex-teacher's class, which I went in a few times to assist a few years ago. Anyway, he just got back from his studies and was looking for a partner. So, we got together, had about four classes and about as many extra practises and went for the competition.

It's nothing incredible. Yes, I did win but we only entered the Beginners category. A few friend from the studio teased me that it wasn't fair for us to join that category cause I have previously competed in Novice/Grade D (one up from Beginners) and once in Pre-Amatuer/Grade C.

Since I've never competed in Beginners before -- due to my previous partner having won in that category and was not allowed to compete in the same category again -- and I've never even been in the finals of Novice, I didn't think it was unfair. Besides, my new partner has never competed here before; only in the collegiates. That's not unfair ... was it?

We won! Ha ha ... at least I can say I won the Beginners. Now I'll try to get in the finals of the Novice and maybe win?

Oh yes! Had a little mishap during the finals. I almost did a Janet Jackson towards the end of the Jive, when the clasp of my costume (a halter neck dress) popped. Luckily I heard it pop and managed to catch it and stepped to the side to try and reclasp it. Didn't manage to though but thankfully, it was towards the end of the dance. One of the adjudicators kept watching me, wondering why I stopped halfway and stepped out of the floor. Guess he must have figured out that I had a problem with my costume when my friend came to help me with it and didn't mark me down for it. *phew*

That was quite a day! Even managed to rush to sing with the choir at the convent before rushing back to the competition to get my results. I wanted to just wear my tracks during the prize presentation but Mr. Lee (my teacher) said he'd rather I don't go out than to let me go out there looking like that. Well ...

... actually he said he'd rather I went out in my underwear than let me go out like that. ;P


I promtly changed back to my costume :)

How appropriate! :)

Was over at the Goddess's place when I tried this out. Just had to laugh when I saw the resulting card. LOL ...

I am The Empress The Empress can refer to any aspect of Motherhood. She can be an individual mother, but as a major arcana card, she also goes beyond the specifics of mothering to its essence - the creation of life and its sustenance through loving care and attention. The Empress can also represent lavish abundance of all kinds. She offers a cornucopia of delights, especially those of the senses - food, pleasure and beauty. She can suggest material reward, but only with the understanding that riches go with a generous and open spirit. The Empress asks you to embrace the principle of life and enjoy its bountiful goodness. For a full description of your card and other goodies, please visit LearnTarot.com

What tarot card are you? Enter your birthdate. Month: Day: Year:

three strikes, you're out

Musicals.
I love musicals.
I really cannot recall what influenced me in the first place. Nobody else at home listens to it. My friends way-back-then don't listen to it. So it's sort of a puzzle to me how I came about them and how I've come to love them so.

More than anything, besides listening and watching them, I would love to be in one.

From my older postings about my various attempts at audition, you would know that I don't audition well. Plus, a musical production here is few and far between, which is why I've been in more opera productions than musicals. In the previous two musical auditions, I didn't get them. The first cited schedule incompatibility and the second ... well, the second, I was just total crap. Monologue was involved and I don't know how to do that.

This third time, the audition went moderately well. I was out of pitch, and I knew it as soon as I sang it, which is bad, and made even worse when the auditioner, mentions it and started plonking on the piano. Must say, aside from the slight off-pitch, I felt that I was more relaxed singing this time than at my other auditions. I think I was quite clear and projected well enough without too much of the vibrato that seems to appear whenever I'm nervous. So, I guess, that's an improvement. Later the auditioner told me to stay back and then asked me to go to her house for a session. Little did I know that this was strike one!

Strike two was entirely my fault. The session at the auditioner's was three days after the audition. I should have spent the two days before the session preparing for it but I didn't. In fact, I didn't even know what song I wanted to do until the night before. Since she doesn't mind us looking at sheet music when we sang, that made me even lazier. Also, I've never really practised for auditions. I actually don't know how to do that. I'm singing all the time anyway so I took that as having practised. Guess it has to be more concentrated than that!

Anyway, during the session, she briefed us on what she's trying to achieve, what the sessions are for and what the musical is about. It all sounded terribly interesting and experimental. It would be interesting in seeing what comes out of it all. Then she made us, there were three of us in that session, sing two songs. The first was four lines of Is You Is Or Is You Ain't, My Baby and the second was Audrey II's song Mean Green Monster from Outer Space from the musical Little Shop of Horrors. After that, we each did the song we've 'prepared'. I did badly, my pitch was everywhere and was holding back my voice and as the song went, it went worse and worse as I hear myself sounding worse and worse which made me sing even worse. Should have just sung one of those songs that I sing all the time instead of selecting something new cause she wanted variety in the pieces she asked us to prepare. After that, we arranged for our next session. Mine was the week after while the other two were in December?

Why I didn't think that odd, I didn't know. I just didn't question it. Only thought that it was because I could make it.

This morning was the second session.

There were more people this time, eight, I think, including some local celebrities. It was their first session with her except me and one other person. There was no briefing and we started directly with Is You Is Or Is You Ain't, My Baby. She gave out scores this time and we did the whole song. As well as we could do for that song in one session anyway. We did some exercises to improve timing and tried a voice wobbling exercise. I had trouble doing the wobbling exercise. I couldn't do it when I came my turn to try it. The wobbling was fine when I tried it softly on my own while we were all experimenting on how to produce it but when it came my turn to do it, I just lost it. It just wouldn't wobble.

We took a break after that and did Mean Green Monster from Outer Space when we came back. It was a blast even though I didn't get all the timing and notes right. Something which I've been fretting about.

Something which I shouldn't have fretted about at all if I had known what was about to happen.

She told a few of us to stay back at the end of the session. Then asked me and another person to go with her to her office. Where she laid it on us.

She told us that the musical is going in one tangent while we were heading towards a different tangent. She said that she would not like to waste our next 6 months and then telling us that we do not fit in the picture. I asked her how am I swinging off her tangent and she says that the musical requires a more experimental sound and that I am more to-the-score. She said we had lovely voices, which is why we were there in the first place and if she was doing some other musical, something not so experimental, she would have loved to have us in the process.

I didn't know what to say. I was sad that I'm not suitable and I even told her "I'm sad but *shrugs*" and thanked her.

I wanted to say, "I don't mind wasting that 6 months. I don't mind trying and then finding out at the end of the 6 months. You might find that I'm suitable after all. I thought you wanted it to the score which is why I tried getting all the notes and timing, not that I got it correctly anyway but I knew I hit them more that the others today did."

I wanted to but I didn't. I didn't dare. How do you wedge yourself through a door that's closing in your face?

*sigh* A dream almost came true.

Haven't done these in ages ... quizzesssss

Your Power Color Is Orange You live in the fast lane. You love action, risk, and competition. You're spontaneous, enthusiastic, and persuasive. But you're also easily bored - and love to rebel against structures. You resent rules ... as well as people's attempts to control you! What's Your Power Color? Take This Quiz :-)

You Are the Reformer

1 You're a responsible person - with a clear sense of right and wrong. High standards are important to you, and you do everything to meet them. You are your own worst critic, feeling ashamed if you're not perfect. You have the highest integrity, and people expect you to be fair.

What number are you?

You have to tell me what you want

The christmas conductor reminds me of my physics teacher back in school. She (the physics teacher) would come into the lab, call out a lazy (or maybe defeated?) "Senyap kelas" and proceeded by opening her various reference books. She usually have about two or three of them. Then class would begin with her droning on and on about this and that theory with her face down looking at her books the whole time. Save for the occasional "Senyap kelas" yet again when the din of the class gets above her acceptable level of noise.

How did the conductor remind of my teacher? Well, for most of the time while he was conducting, he has his face towards the score. His hands is beating the time and he'll cut us on cue but his face is almost constantly looking at the score. The face towards the reference material which reminded me of my ex-teacher.

Anyway, he had me wondering. If we were to learn the score and to sing the songs without scores, shouldn't he be as prepared to conduct us without the score as well?

Besides that, he doesn't seem to conduct us in terms of the dynamics that he wants and the when the song ends, he would comment that there was no dynamics. Gee ... if he didn't tell us that he wants a particular section to be louder or softer, thunderous or mousy, how were we suppose to know? The scores have indications but to what degree does he want them? Obviously whatever we were doing was not enough but if he didn't tell us to adjust it while we are singing, how were we to know?

Well, at least he can beat time and does cut us off on cue.

I think I'm just being picky about what conductors do after having been spoiled by the woof-woof conductor. She knows precisely what she wants and you can tell by her facial expression when you have or have not given her what she wanted. Even the closet case conductor knows what he wants and tells it to you while conducting; although, he can be a little erratic at times which just means that you have to watch him when you're singing. Which is something you should be doing anyway, watching your conductor.

However, the program is coming together nicely. My frustration with the matter is in the organisation. Looking for a replacement pianist is proving to be an incredibly difficult task and the conductor's not helping in being quite inflexible and refusing to have a temporary pianist for a couple rehearsals when the official pianist cannot make rehearsals. *sigh* I have two person who might be able to play for us, one of which will have to check her calendar before confirming. The other might have problem with one of our performance dates due to work. *sigh* If the former cannot make it, I'm hoping the latter will be able to maybe take off work an hour early just for that day.

Here's to hoping.

first day of the rest of my life for the next 6 months

Last day of work at the office which I have been going to like a drone, day after day, for the past 4 1/2 years was uneventful. Unremarkable. No different from packing up at the end of each working day and going home. Except this time, instead of my usual water carrying bag, what I brought down was a corrugated box, one of those you get when you buy A4 papers in bulk. Imagine ... one box, after 4 years. I'd thought my table was more cluttered than that!

So, I had my last lunch, shook my colleagues hands and left.

Except for a frantic phone call from the girl who's taking over my project while I was driving home, didn't manage to say goodbye to her cause she wasn't in the office when I left, to reconfirm that she's allowed to call me if she needs any help with the project, that was that.

A week sure have passed by really fast.

That was last Tuesday. The day after I got back from a 4 days, 3 nights stocking trip to Bangkok.

Bangkok is like a huge pasar malam. A very large pasar malam which instead a weekly event, it is on every single day. With exception for Chatuchak market. An art market which is only open on the weekends. Chatuchak is so huge that you will definitely get lost within it's confines. If you ever find anything you like in Chatuchak, my advise is for you to buy it for you're unlikely to see the shop again ... well for me at least ... and I usually have a very good sense of direction!

Besides Chatuchak, we also scouted out Pratunam for our -- my biz partner and I -- goods. Most of our stocks are acquired at Pratunam. I am dissappointed at the prices we got though. We had definitely underestimated how much it would cost. My friend told me that prices are almost 20% - 25% below what we paid for when I decided to join her in the biz. *sigh* strike one!

As I've predicted, the stocks weighed more that my friend anticipated and we decided to courier them back instead of trying to smuggle them back as luggages. We did factor in this possibility except, again, my friend quoted me a figure which was 50% lower! strike two!

Two days later, on my first day of unemployment, I received a text from my friend that we're being taxed for our package! She managed to persuade the to lower down the tax (read: bawah mejalah!) to half the value which was still quite a large amount since it was a few hundred ringgit. strike three!

This is not boding well for the price of our goods. This means that the cost goes higher and I can't offer it at too low a price and I am wary as to whether people will buy our goods at the price we'll be selling them. *praying hard*

Bangkok wasn't all bad. We had delicious sausages from a cafe called S&P, not one really since it's a chain. In fact, we went there 3 days out of the 4. :) Also, I had nail art done. It looks really lovely, really. Cheap too! Sadly, my past three unemployed weekday last week was filled with bill paying, resolving matters regarding my car and house chores. The last having detrimental effects on my nice pretty nails. They're not so nice anymore. Especially the five digits on the right. The paint have begun to chip at the edges. Still looks fine from afar but up close, you can see all it's flaws.

Today, I've begun my first step in my new job. I've begun researching on the methods to create the application which I have been employed to do. I am still not certain how to go about it and hopefully, my friend (who is my boss now), won't be too dissappointed. He'll be coming over to discuss the project later. Hope he has more insight into how he thinks it can/should be build.

Hello ... still alive

Yes, still alive. Did I disappoint anyone?

What has happened over the hiatus?

Firstly, attended a couple interview and I must say I did badly at both of them. My technical knowledge seems to have plummetted into nothingness. Without realising it, I have slowly forgotten most of the basic concepts that are required or just basic usage of the programming language that I use everyday at work. All the debugging and adding of functions into existing classes has made me a procedural programmer instead of the object-oriented programmer that is the essence of the Java language.

*sigh* tis a sad day indeed. Therefore, I am truly not surprised that they, the interviewers, did not contact me for further interviews. Hence, I am going to join in my friend's venture into his new company. Hopefully, this will give me time to reacquaint myself with all the necessary skills which I have lost as well as an opportunity to create something different. *fingers crossed*

Anyway, in that time, I was asked by one of the online networking group which I belong, to choreograph and teach them a salsa number for their monthly networking dinner. The theme for the dinner being 'Latin Heat' so, salsa is mucho latin-lah! Since I don't know much about salsa except the basic steps, the number was choreographed based on my knowledge of latin (ie. cha cha/rumba) figures.

They had in all five rehearsals excluding the venue rehearsal on the day itself and they managed to perform it satisfactorily. It wasn't perfect but it was ok and they had fun. Let me tell you, these adults gets more rowdy and more difficult to control that kids (er ... not that I deal with lots of kids, I'm just assuming! :P). I got really stressed during one of the last rehearsal cause they couldn't get one of the formation I gave them and I took it out on my friend, whom I had asked to help me with the choreography as well as in helping me teach them. Friend ... again, I'm really sorry I did that. I suck!

I didn't manage to watch them perform it live as I had an alumni meeting on the night of the dinner. Managed to run through with them a few last times at the venue before I had to dash off for the meeting and came back to the dinner just after they'd performed. Only got to watch them through tiny viewfinder of a DV.

Minor stuff ...

- got called to do a dance for a watch launch which I got paid quite reasonably and might be doing the same number again in October for another launch but studio lady has not confirmed if it's going to happen,

- am coordinating for this year's Christmas programme. Urgh! I hope that doesn't flop. The only other time I've coordinated anything which does not only require caterer calling and members calling was back in school for a Leo club activity. That didn't quite work out and the committee members had to help me out. Oh well, what can I say? I wasn't an active member, more of a silent member ... a very silent member ... almost in name only, was volunteered to do it and therefore, didn't know what in the world I was doing. I'll try and cover all bases with this one now. Even though the people involved will likely start calling me a pest for calling them too often to check on progress. :P

- front of housed for Sean Ghazi's show. The first day I FOH-ed, I thought, "man! What the heck happened to his voice? Did he choose the wrong songs?", cause I thought it was quite bad. I've heard him once before at No Black Tie last year and thought he was pretty good but he sang a different set then. He sounded better last night though, especially during the matinee. If my opinion was of any weight, I would advise him not to sing 'Last Night of the World'. Boy, you just don't falsetto well!

As for his guests, I'm not overly fond of Aura Deva as Kim and Tup Tim. It sounds a little squeaky at times. However, I must say I loved it when she sang the Meadowlark song. I don't know the title of that song but I loved it. The thought which came to me when I heard her was that, she would do quite well with the role of The Narrator for Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Unknownst to me that that's the role she's been playing most recently. Should read the programme book next time. LOL. Loved Izlyn Ramli's deep and sexy jazzy voice. Man! I wish I could sing like that! Adam Farouk? Good looking, tall and talented. He only sang one song, Elton John's Your Song, but he had a nice style. Nice.

... Right, I'll stop for now. I shall try to update more frequently but people, there's really nothing much to update aboutlah. But I will try since I do get a "Hoi woman! Update your bloglah!", sometimes. :)

getting stupider

The two interviews yesterday was a definite brain drain. Questions about projects which I have created several years ago and have forgotten how the whole thing works, technical questions which I have once learnt but hardly put into practise and therefore can't for the life of my explain how it'll work, questions about design patterns that came out after my schooling days which I should have kept up with but couldn't find it in me to do so; tiring as hell.

Without realising it, I believe I have gradually grown more stupid as the years go by. Maybe it's just cause I'm in this company where things have to be done a certain way - and most times it's not the right way. Maybe it's me not having the initiative to keep up with the current trends. ... I think it's a lot of both.

So now I realised that technically, I know less that I knew when I was in school. You could always count on me to understand the programming concepts easily ... linked list, pointers, inheritance. The teacher could call on me, which one of my teacher often does, for the answer and I'd be able to answer correctly. Easy peasy. Now, I can't even tell you when or why you should use extend or interface in Java.

What a disaster! I need to go back to the books. Catch up on new modelling and design techniques. Relearn! Back to school!

scared

I'm scared.

I've been so blasé about the whole job quitting and the not having a job for awhile won't kill me thing but the whole thing is just beginning to sink in now. All the worries and all the reasons which kept me holding on to this job for the past two year are now going to be in-your-face real, come October.

There were some calls for potential job interview a couple weeks back but I haven't received the email/callback which the agents mentioned. The proper thing to do for this would be to have me call them up and check-up except 1. I didn't have their number, 2. I don't remember the name of one of the agents who called, and 3. I'm not sure if I want to go through the whole IT thing again. About #3? I don't know what else I'm capable of doing besides IT (and even this, I don't seem to be extremely capable).

Some have suggested that I teach dance. Well ... I could do that ... but where? And who would take classes from me? Plus, I'm one of those people who of the opinion that if you don't know enough of something, you shouldn't be teaching someone else about it. I might know my cha-cha-cha but there's so much to the cha-cha-cha that I still don't know about and therefore, don't feel confident in teaching it. *sigh* I should just shut up and do it, shouldn't I? Just teach what I know? To those who don't know anything at all?

Ok. That's option 2. Option 1 is of course to just keep looking for other development jobs.

Options 3 is a really short term thing which, if precedence prevails, won't happen, a 3 contract dance job. Cool isn't it? A job just to dance. And not a super taxing dance thing either from what I hear. Backup dancing to a latino band at a new latin club/bar. Three hours a day, about 3k a month. Hmmm ... if dancing was that well paying, why are there so many struggling dancers?

Option 4 ... friend's grant gets approved and I work for him. Still in IT. Still in development but we'll be working on something new. When it gets approved lah. Got rejected the first round and will be going for a review.

Last drastic option, change industry totally. What industry am I looking at?

Event Management.

Why? I don't know? I think it might be an interesting job. Having been in several theatre/art productions I find that the many things required to get just one little production working, utterly fascinating (ehm ... one recent production notwithstanding). What Lee Swan did, what the lighting guys do, the staging guys, the Uncle Wong team ... too bad I didn't have a chance to do more in the last production. So yeah! Would love to go into event management if possible. Question is HOW?!

In the mean time, I will keep on applying for IT jobs. I still have a car to pay for. Scratching my head now wondering how I can come up with 15k to pay off the company's car loan when my last day comes. Dad doesn't think I can get a loan from the bank cause I'll be unemployed. *sigh*

you imcompetent fool!

So, I hear you broke down at the end. Hah! Serves your right.

Strutting in like you own the group. Having the musicians screamed at because you are unprepared, unconfident, clueless about what you are doing and what you want and unwilling to admit that it was your fault. Talking down to the choir like we were some kind of ten year olds. Telling me to shut up in front of the whole choir when I was trying to tell you that the choir couldn't read what you wanted.

WHERE WAS YOUR ONE?!
WHERE WAS YOUR CUT?!
ARE WE STILL DOING THE FERMATA?!

Fuck! We're not doing it the same timing as the main cheese? Or even almost in the general vicinity?

I consider you a friend. My voicing out the some of the member's gripes and mumbling was in hope that you will be able to work with them what they need so that they can work with you. Would you rather not hear it? Would you rather be oblivious to their problem? I think you do.

I should just keep quiet.
I should just let you keep getting frustrated on your own and not having you lash out on me.
Why should I bother to take that slack? Cause I'm just a meddling fool. Yup! I'm just a regular 'pat poh' who won't shut up and thinks she knows better.

FINE!

Have it your way.
Break down every night you have to conduct.
Think that everyone's looking down at you.
Hide behind your "I don't have the experience." and yet not listen to advice by people with experience and others trying to help.
Go on! Cocoon yourself in your own greatness! Enjoy it!

Hotmail joins in the mail storage war

Finally! Hotmail has decided to join the war of the I-give-more-storage-than-you war. Good for me and all free hotmail account users! Woo hoo! Yessiree bob! Hotmail is going to upgrade. They'll be giving all free mail subscribers 250MB of storage soon. A massive upgrade compared to it's initial miniscule 2M. Good onya! Percentage wise, even more than Yahoo! mail who just recently upgraded from 6MB to 100MB. Although, I think they must have missed a server cause one of my account have yet to benefit from the upgrade. Should probably drop them a line soon. Hmmm ...

Hotmail was my first free mail service. Got it way back in 1995? Or was it 1996? Even back then I couldn't get my name for an account. Guess I wasn't that much ahead of the pack huh? But at least I have my name for gmail now. Cool! I finally get one. Can't even purchase the domain with my name. Would it be extremely bad of me to wish that the company with the domain I want goes bankrupt so that the domain expires and returns to the public for repurchase soon?

Why Are You Still Single? test

Don't Want To Slow Down

Whether you're working all hours, busy with school, or planning a cross-country move, it sounds like you just don't have time for anyone else in your life...right now, that is. Your timing may be off in other aspects, too. Chances are, you've met that perfect person who just so happens to be married or planning their own cross-country move. So take a step back for a moment. Is there something underlying this? Could it be you're afraid to get involved for some reason or another, and are therefore attracted to people who are simply unavailable?

Whether you're secretly sabotaging yourself or not, try a little exercise. Open your mind to those who are around you (and available!) right now. Then let up on your schedule to let that someone in. That is, unless you want to get married to your goals, and not Mr. or Mrs. Right.

Hitting the road in an RV could be just the way for you and your troupe to take it all in.

-----

I'll just direct anyone who asks me this question here the next time they ask. :)
What's your excuse?